ORDER SIXTY-SIX

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2008-01-08T21:18:00.000Z

Blocked

2007-05-13T18:31:00.000+01:00

I seem to have severe writer's block. I've tried to write so many things, but I just can't seem to pull anything out. It's pissing me off because I was planning on using the two weeks I've taken off work to get down to some serious writing, and I'm going back to work tomorrow and I have nothing. I'm finding it really hard to even squeeze anything out for TFL. Gah.

Cloning Logos

2007-05-13T00:37:00.000+01:00

And here it is. The logo for the upcoming CG animated TV series now known as The Clone Wars, a more-fleshed out update of the micro-series I guess. They're using the ESB logo style yet again, but I dig it. I just hope it's as good as Cartoon Network's Clone Wars was.

Here's a picture of the CGI animated Yoda:

The Amazing Spiders

2007-05-12T11:15:00.000+01:00

Whilst the recent exploits of cinematic spider-related hijinks didn't really thrill me, I've become fascinated with the real life adventures of our eight-legged friends, specifically in my back garden. Sitting on our wheelie bin is I guess what you would call a colony of spiderlings, Orb Weavers I think, although I'm basing that on the big spider I saw in the same place before I noticed our new neighbouring family. These guys have stuck together like glue, except for the odd exercise, but what amazes me is the way they've migrated down the side of the bin to escape the frequent rain we've been getting. It's become almost dramatic, the daily checking up on the babies to make sure they're okay, an action which - to paraphrase Bill Bailey, I seem to have turned into an anthropomorthic drama. I used to hate spiders, mostly out of fear, but I'm really rooting for these guys to make it. As long as they don't invade the house and web up my TV.

Talkin' About Sharkin'

2007-05-10T06:40:00.000+01:00

Is there any movie that's been ripped off more than JAWS? I'd like to know the answer, but in the meantime, the wonders of Youtube have presented me with some great clips that I'd like to share. Clips of the funniest, most awesomely bad - and usually Italian - Spielberg wannabes you'll ever see.

THE LAST SHARK (1982, d. Enzo G. Castellari) is probably the only case of a JAWS "homage" actually being sued for copying the 1975 masterpiece. When the film hit US theaters in 1982, Universal immediately took action, won the case and thus ensured that the film would never reach American soil again. Interestingly the film, described in its trailer as "The Most Terrifying Motion Picture of 1982" featured a helicopter accident and Vic Morrow, a couple of years before a helicopter accident would end Morrow's life (on the set of TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE). Still, THE LAST SHARK has a wonderful opening theme song, almost the polar opposite of JAWS's opening title. Ominous strings and underwater photography? Nah, we'll go for breezy Ameri-pop and windsurfing, thanks.

Watch the trailer here (under the US Title GREAT WHITE)

Watch the opening here. More clips here and here.

Lamberto Bava's MONSTER SHARK (1984) doesn't seem to actually be about a shark at all, more some sort of shark/octopus hybrid, but it doesn't stop it plagiarising JAWS. I've never seen it, but let's be honest, Lamberto has never been a Mario, right? Still, watch the trailer for some quality Goblin-esque synth and general ocean-related madness.

However, the one that really takes the fishcake is CRUEL JAWS, known in some territories as JAWS 5. Directed by maestro Bruno Mattei, CJ is not only a poor, poor movie, but doesn't just rip JAWS off, it steals from it outright. Combining stock footage with actual stolen clips from JAWS, JAWS 2 and JAWS 3-D (and allegedly some music cues from STAR WARS), Mattei's movie comes across as some kind of demented parody/fan film. Watch a bit here and see if you can count the stolen shots.

Of course, this wouldn't be complete without a mention of JAWS, THE REVENGE, so check out the alternative narrated opening here. I can't figure out whether someone has actually placed the narration on or Universal did actually have a narrator at some point, but either way it's really fucking weird. Fate or circumstance? You decide.

Five-second update: Apparently (well, according to Wikipedia), the narration is legit. Wow.

Life Goes On

2007-05-09T22:53:00.000+01:00

Well, the storm has passed and we're now relaxing, by way of buying lots of stuff. Big TV, new computers, and a Wii, which I'm thoroughly enjoying, although Red Steel is still proving hard to get used to, mainly because of the control system. Though I'm now convinced that the Wii is the only true next-gen console. It's all good to have powerful processors, fancy graphics and HD DVD, but at the end of the day, it's changing the way we play games. And between it and Guitar Hero, it's all changing for the better.

We saw SPIDER-MAN 3, and boy was it disappointing. Awful writing, inconsistencies in plot, tone and characterization, but with good action bits. It seems to be loved by a lot of people though, although they're the same people who said the prequels were only good during the actiony bits, which to be honest is the same here. I can accept that it has some pure comic fun, but it's at the expense of the story and any attempt at drama, both of which fall flat under the sheer weight of trying to tie all the loose plotlines, which leads them to some exceptionally stupid choices which would be ridiculed if in any other movie (Harry's butler anyone?).

Still... the Wii is good!

Married At Last

2007-05-07T12:03:00.000+01:00

Four More Days...

2007-04-24T18:27:00.000+01:00

...to my wedding. Silver Shamrock!

Yes. We have been busy as fuck, hence my lack of posting in general and moviewatching. In the last two weeks or so, I've seen two films. And some Doctor Who.

I never really liked the new Doctor Who. Christopher Eccleston didn't seem like the right choice, and his doctor was annoying, and arrogant. This completely put me off the show, although I caught an episode last week with the new doctor, David Tennant, and was hooked. Tennant is a lot more fun and whimsical than Eccleston, and seems less of an attempt to hip the doctor up, instead being what he should be - a science nerd who has amazing self-belief. It's just silly monster-of-the-week fun, and hey, who doesn't love the Daleks?

I also bought a few things. First of all - while we're on the subject of nerdy SF - this:

I love it to pieces, although the photos don't do it justice at all. To be critical, the head is slightly oversized and the jacket seems maybe too small, but it's a really nice figure. Not so great as something like the Sideshow Anakin, but close enough. It also helps that he's wearing my favourite Han outfit.

I also picked up Superman Returns for the 360. I know a lot of folks slated this game, and it's frustrating at times, but I don't ask much in a game, but one of the things I do ask is to be able to zoom through Metropolis using my heat vision. And this game allows me that small grace. My one big frustration is that it doesn't use any of John Williams' Superman theme, but that's easily remedied by turning the music volume right down in the game options and playing the film soundtrack from the HDD. Greatness.

What If...

2007-04-12T10:05:00.000+01:00

...George Lucas had directed SPIDER-MAN?

It Goes To Eleven #1

2007-04-11T18:37:00.000+01:00

Some of you might remember I had this as a separate blog, but due to the aforementioned streamlining, I'm going to do it over here, as it didn't feel necessary to have a whole blog for this, at least with one person doing it.

1. Guns N'Roses - "Ain't It Fun"

Okay. I don't really like GNR much, aside from a couple of songs, and haven't since I was thirteen. This track is a cover of a song I've never heard, but the song as performed by GNR really sucks. It's awful. I really should delete this.

2. Led Zeppelin - "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You"

Pretty much one of the coolest songs around. Plant's vocals on the track are amazing, and the Southern-European feel adds a lot. Not much else to say, aside from I'm jealous of Jimmy Page's noodling ability.

3. Pink - "U & Ur Hand"

The girlfriend strikes. This is one of hers. Insidious little minx, isn't she? Seems like Pink should grow up a bit, but since I don't listen to her (honest) I'm not really that bothered one way or the other.

4. Tool - "Hush"

One of the best Tool songs. Maynard's vocals are still evolving here, but they sound great, and the driving riff is suitably raw but still manages to sound accomplished. It's weird how Tool's sound seems to totally change from each record. I wish they still put out stuff like this.

5. Ramones - "Carbona Not Glue"

I hate it when people call songs anthemic, but this does fit into that category. The great thing about the Ramones is that they always sounded like they actually did the things they sung about. Then again, when you imagine Dee Dee snorting cleaning liquid, it's not really a huge surprise he went out the way he did.

Archived For Your Pleasure

2007-04-11T18:32:00.000+01:00

I've been doing a bit of streamlining (mostly because I decided having six blogs was a bit stupid) so I've melded Order Sixty-Six together with my old blog, Fifteen Years, so all the posts from 2005 onwards are now available for perusal.

Someday Lad, This Will All Be Yours...

2007-04-11T18:00:00.000+01:00

Redesigning

2007-04-09T08:55:00.000+01:00

I redesigned my Movie Journal, mostly because I want to make myself update it all the time, instead of doing it for a few days and then copping out.

I hope it works.

Pained But Excited

2007-04-09T08:48:00.000+01:00

So, I had my stag weekend this past weekend. It was pretty fun, but probably not as wild as I thought it would be, and pretty much 100% free of embarrassment. We went paintballing in the afternoon (my first time) which was awesome, but has left me with a ton of aches and pains, not to mention muchos brusing.

Later on we went out on the town, which mainly resulted in me spending a lot of money on alcohol. Still, it was a fun time. But it just leaves me more excited for the main event. Only nineteen days to go. Nervous? Sure, but excited? Definitely.

It will be a day long remembered

Cover Songs

2007-04-03T14:25:00.000+01:00

I have a request for whatever the regulatory body that deals with music is. Specifically, I want them to make it illegal for someone to release a cover song as their first single, mostly because I'm sick and tired of "artists" getting famous on the back of someone else's music. I realize this is slightly iffy, as there's the whole deal of people who write/people who perform, so maybe there has to be some kind of deal like stuff that's written by the person who didn't perform it is cool, but if it's written by the actual person who performed it, that's a no go. Or at least they should get strict permission from the writer/artist, instead of some A&E dude selling the rights.

What spurred me on is this. This is the Red Hot Chili Peppers' 'Under The Bridge' as covered by Brit girl "R&B" quartet All Saints. Now, as most people will know, 'Under The Bridge' was written by Anthony Keidis about his heroin addiction, specifically when he used to go to meet people under a bridge in LA to buy and take smack. It's an amazing song musically, but lyrically it's haunting. However, All Saints, in their infinite wisdom, took it upon themselves to turn it into a hip love song, and removed the crucial lyrics in the track, as follows:

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away

When I first heard this, I found it pretty reprehensible, and still do. Thus begins my crusade against cover songs. Not to say all cover songs are bad, some amazing songs have been completely changed for the better. FYI, I don't include sampling, either. Anyway, here's some cover song rules:

1. No version of Cohen's 'Hallelujah' shall ever be recorded, cause let's face it, you're never going to beat Jeff Buckley.

2. No more ironic cover songs. I don't ever want to hear another fucking Richard Cheese song ever again.

3. Stairway To Heaven shall never be touched. Oh no (fuck you, Rolf Harris).

4. McFly should never be let near any musical instruments again, let alone any cover songs.

Some great covers:

- Rage Against The Machine, 'Beautiful World' (Devo)
- Radiohead, 'Nobody Does It Better' (Carly Simon)
- Slayer, 'In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida' (Iron Butterfly)
- Tool, 'No Quarter' (Led Zeppelin)
- Santa Esmerelda, 'Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood' (The Animals)
- Ramones, 'Baby I Love You' (Ronettes)
- William Shatner, 'Common People' (Pulp)

Some bad covers:

- Puff Daddy, 'Every Breath You Take' (The Police)
- Joe Cocker, 'Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood'
- Sugababes, 'Freak Like Me' (Adina Howard)
- The Beautiful South, 'Blitzkrieg Bop' (Ramones)
- Leonard Nimoy, 'Everybody's Talkin'' (Harry Nillsson)

Catching Up, Part III

2006-12-20T11:34:00.000Z

Well, I've been away for a while. Getting settled into the new house, the new job, and trying to figure out what the fuck has happened with Blogger. Apparently Google purchased Blogger in 2003, but they've only just decided to update it now, which means I can't use my old template. Bollocks. It's not bad though. I like the labels deal.

So yeah, Christmas is coming. Yay. The full stop should indicate the inflection of sarcasm in that last sentence. I'm not a huge one for christmas, especially where the family gatherings are involved, so I'll be mostly skipping that this year and cursing general lack of availability of Wii, as well as Santa's refusal to bring me an Xbox 360. Miserable fat bastard.

Still, I did buy some new SW figures the other day. For some odd reason, Toys R Us seem to be getting some actual new stock, so they have some decent choices. Still no bloody blue clones though. That's a pain. But I did grab the Luke (with poncho!) and Sandtrooper.

The Luke is a vast improvement on many of the older sculpts. He no longer looks like a muscle-bound pseudo-He-Man, or for that matter a gibbering retard. He just looks like Luke, which is good. He also comes with his poncho, so you can pretend he's a younger, whinier version of Clint Eastwood's man with no name character, as well as the box that Ben Kenobi grabs Anakin's lightsaber out of. Pretty cool.

The Sandtrooper is fucking awesome. Based on the Stormtrooper sculpt used for the Vintage Saga Collection (those ones in 1977-era packaging with four million points of articulation), it's just a fucking great figure and looks great on the shelf, whatever position you put him in (oo-er missus). My only complaint is the rubbery blaster that bends pretty easily. But Hasbro never get everything right.

Before I go, an apology to whoever left comments before: I didn't realize they had to be approved, so they never showed. I've turned off moderation now, so you are free to post without fear of prior approval.

We're Back

2006-11-08T13:12:00.000Z

I need to learn to make up my fucking mind.

In any case, my blog will be back here, where it belongs.

Charlotte's Web

2006-04-05T00:04:00.003+01:00

What's with all the songs? I was gearing up for a huge cry, and nothing. I sniffle at the mere mention of Hobbits, so I see this as a failure.

Nathan Fillion should play Templeton in the remake though.

First Contact

2006-04-02T23:26:00.000+01:00

I always see this being held up as a great movie, but every time I watch it, it gets poorer and poorer. I just don't get it, it's about as good as the bad bits of Star Trek III.

Catching Up, Part II

2006-03-28T04:09:00.000+01:00

- dying to get hold of the script to JAWS 3/PEOPLE 0. Curse these script stores and their payment needs!

- Yay! Alice in Chains are reforming! Nay! I won't get to see them.

- don't people realize the difference between making good fake n00dz and bad fake n00dz? What's more realistic, showing Avril Lavigne pulling her top up or having her done in the butt by three guys?

- watch the original Star Trek show 'Balance of Terror' - it's bigotry, WWII submarine battles and warmongering Spock all in one!

- um... stay in school!

Miles Davis

2006-03-20T23:07:00.000Z

Don't get me wrong, I like Miles Davis. He's not the first person I go to in jazz (that would be Coleman Hawkins, love the guy) but he's always been a stand-up dude. However, it seems like every wannabe non-mainstreamer in the world talks about how much they love Kind of Blue, but NEVER EVER mention any other artist or record.

It just really bugs me the fuck out. Fine, use him as a jumping point, but don't use him as some kind of attempt to impress people.

Catching Up

2006-03-19T23:35:00.000Z

I'm really tired and I have a lot of work to do, so I'm going to do a summary of what I've done over the past week or so, what rocked, and what sucked. So, here it is:

- SHARKS 3D at the IMAX. There's no John Putch, but it was damn good. Except for the warbling at the end, but hell, I didn't know so many shark species were that endangered.

- STAR TREK: THE ORIGINAL SERIES is pretty fucking expensive, but it's so much fun watching these episodes again.

- KISS KISS, BANG BANG is the best movie I've seen since OLDBOY.

- Tim Sale and Jeph Loeb have the amazing ability to make me cry while reading comics. They did it with SPIDER-MAN: BLUE, and they've just done it again on my second reading of SUPERMAN FOR ALL SEASONS.

- 'One' still has the best solo ever (take that, Rhoads!)

- "Rokken" is my favourite word at the moment (thanks Gray).

- BATTLESTAR GALACTICA is still the best show on TV by miles (more on this later).

- We bought oven gloves.

Justice For Puppets

2006-03-16T01:02:00.000Z

I'm not really the metal head I used to be, but when I was majorly into it, METALLICA was always the number one, as I'm sure it was with most. Hell, I remember the first record I ever bought was one of theirs. My sister gave me cash to go away because I had gone after school to bother her at her job, so I nabbed into Woolworths to spend the moolah. I was about eleven years old, and by then, I'd been given tapes of Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath and the like, so I wasn't really uneducated per say. But I was glancing around, and my hand instinctively went to the shelf to grab this.

Well, okay, it wasn't that, because I didn't get a CD player until later so I had to make do with the cassette (remember those, folks?). Of course, later I'd buy it not only on CD but also vinyl, but that's besides the point. I took that record home, and in a week, it was my best friend. Christ, I even got together with friends and performed a shitty mimed version of "One," which I still maintain has the greatest solo in known existence.

So that record changed me. But why I'm writing this here and now, is because of something that's happened in recent years. Something it pains me to relay.

Metallica now suck. Worse than that, they're assholes. I don't really have to tell you that after the whole Napster debacle, but it bears repeating, especially as in our youth, these guys were fucking gods. I don't know what happened though. Perhaps it was Bob Rock.

I liked The Black Album, but it was terribly overproduced, and both Load and Reload had very little to recommend them, aside from "Until It Sleeps" and "The Unforgiven II" perhaps. And St. Anger was fucking awful, almost as bad as the track they did with Marianne Faithful. I think one of the biggest things was Jason Newsted leaving. That was the final straw that broke Metallica's back, really - from then on, they were corporate rock through and through.

I'm kind of hopeful, even after what they've become, that their next record might be good. Mainly cause Rick Rubin is at the production deck, and christ, who wouldn't wish to have him as producer? I just hope it is fucking good.

Please?

The Scarface Conundrum

2006-03-15T12:51:00.000Z

I like that title. It sounds like it could be an episode title for THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.

"Tonight's episode: THE SCARFACE CONUNDRUM - Act 1: A Deadly Embellishment"

But seriously, what I'm talking about is this sudden jump on the SCARFACE bandwagon. Like, SCARFACE is a decent flick. It's not DePalma's best, but not his worse. It's a decent flick made better by a great Pacino performance. I have no real issue about the movie, but instead its sudden resurface in popular culture. You know what I mean.

As much as I love the idiot, I have no desire to buy posters of Homer Simpson in the style of the SCARFACE poster. Because it's dumb. And annoying. What's the deal with this? Are we going to see posters of Mickey Mouse, complete with eye makeup and Droog mask bludgeoning Minnie to death with a six foot ceramic penis?

Actually, that might be kind of cool.

Baseball

2006-03-14T11:10:00.000Z

Sorry, don't get it. Someone explain to me in less than five hundred words why this sport is anywhere towards good.

Introductions

2006-03-14T03:20:00.000Z

Here's the deal: I'm really bored. I have very little to do right now as I have major insomnia and writer's block. So, I'm going to make a few mentions of the folks I link to on the right, cause y'know, I don't think I ever have.

Lisa - The girl I'm marrying. She hasn't updated in like five months, but we've been busy doing domesticated stuff, so she's excused. She's awesome, too. Which is why I'm marrying her. Duh.

Katanga - If I was to be pressed to say if I had an internet best friend, it would be this guy. He's one of the few guys here I've actually met in real life, and he's a standup guy. Go Smirk on his Effrontery, as it's always a good read and keeps a nice balance between the geek and the serious.

Chest - He's Mexican, but don't hold that against him. He's a solid guy, and if an army of babies were attacking me, I knew he'd be at my back with a pitchfork.

Shane - Shane is a big racist. He likes to post bits from his funny school where he learns from some guy I've never heard of, but he's still a racist. However, unlike in the They Might Be Giants song, he's still My Racist Friend.

Helix - Brad is very bald, and very gay, and hates everything but comics. He sits in his stronghold of hatred all day, reading Essential trades and spitting at the internet. He occasionally comes out to play, but we usually insult him so he goes back in like that big insect in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA that 'will come out no more.'

Z-Man - Chris is very smart, and very cool. He's very much into his music, and his retrofuturisticabilia, and he digs the old Batman show. Usually when he posts on CHUD, he and Dave-B make me feel dumb.

Gray - Gray is an actual cool guy from Atlanta. He's completely unpretentious, he has good music taste and enjoys the art of blogging. Dude's also a big Michael Mann fan, IIRC.

Hellboy - This cat is the scourge of the internet geek scene, as he's not only cooler, but also more informed than about 99% of them. I'm sure if you took a sample of his blood and mixed it with a hammer, it'd like, turn into Thor. Maybe.

Billz - Gonna pay my Billz, gonna pay my automo Billz. I think the song went like that. If so, that's pretty nifty. Bill is a poet, and a good one. At least I think he is, I hate poetry.

Carl - I think Carl is black, but I'm not sure. I know he's a geek though. I can't hold that against him, because I used to play D&D weekly, and tried to make it with an Elf Queen. She just wasn't having it though.

What a fucking priss.

10, 000 Days? It Feels That Long...

2006-03-13T21:40:00.000Z

...since we've had a new album by TOOL, at one time in my life my favourite band. They still have a lot of cred with me, so I'm happy that in May their new record comes out, named 10, 000 Days. The title of this entry is related to the fact that they seem to take aons to bring out their CDs. It was okay for a while (1996's Ænima came three years after 93's Undertow, which itself was a short year after their 92 debut EP, Opiate.) but it was a loooong five years until 2001's Lateralus, a record at first I wasn't hot on, but I now see as their crowning glory.

So yeah, I'm excited. They're also playing Download festival this year, although I can't see myself going. Don't get me wrong, I've been and enjoyed it before (the head of my profile pic is me at Download 2004) but I don't have the money to really shell out for a festival to see one band, especially one I've seen twice before. The other acts playing range from lame (Korn, Metallica) to ultra-lame (Cradle of Filth), and I really despise the venue, so I really can't be fucked. If only they could actually come to Bristol for once.

Infrequent Viewing, Part 2

2006-03-13T19:39:00.000Z

Hooray! The weekend is excellent in many ways, and one of those is because it's usually my chance to sit down and watch a shitload of flicks. We didn't watch a shitload, but we watched a few, some good, some bad, but mostly entertaining. Mostly.

X2

Y'know, I've always really liked this movie. I never understand why people are so down on Bryan Singer, especially with how good this flick is. But this time, it was better than ever before, and I have to be perfectly honest, and I realize this might get me kicked out of the geek caboose: I think it's better than SPIDER-MAN 2. Mainly because it's way more emotionally satisfying. Don't get me wrong, the action in SM2 is the best in any comic film ever, and the stuff with Doc Ock is amazing. But the whole MJ story just leaves me cold, especially when it's capped off with that stunningly awful bridal-march-by-the-fountain, which I expected to see in something like AMERICAN PIE VII, not a Raimi picture.

I guess the whole Jean Grey thing just really tips it over the edge for me. I'll get misty-eyed at the bank scene of SM2, because it's the purest form of literal comic-to-movie translation there's ever been. But most of the tears come when Ms. Grey goes under. I think I'm also more involved due to the acting. Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, The Cox, Alan Cumming, they're all spectacular. The only real bad parts is James Marsden's acting and Wolverine crying. But otherwise, I love it to bits.

KING ARTHUR

This movie SUCKS. Don't ever watch it. Seriously.

SUPERMAN II

This movie is great, if only for the following line:

'Lex Luthor, Ruler of Australia: Activate the machine!'

Also watched: the last three discs of Season Four of FUTURAMA, which is still the most amazing thing ever, the last episode of STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION, with the funky Enterprise with three engines, lots of BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES including most of Paul Dini's episodes, and the truly awful MTV SPIDER-MAN cartoon. Horrible stuff.

Infrequent Viewing, Part 1

2006-03-09T00:22:00.000Z

Seeing how my movie blog is dead, mostly cause I just don't have the fucking time and effort needed to pump into it, I thought I'd give a little rundown of stuff I've seen lately. I haven't seen much new stuff, but the things I've seen, amazingly, haven't sucked. Well, as far as I can remember.

DOMINO
It seemed almost everyone had said DOMINO was shit. But I have two words: fuck them. I FUCKING LOVED this flick. It was so goddamn funny, just on the right edge of humour, and with one of the sexiest performances I've seen in a long time. The three leads were great, Walken was amazing, and damns, it just kicked my ass completely. Wasn't expecting it at all.

WALLACE AND GROMIT in THE CURSE OF THE WERE-RABBIT

I don't get folks who don't like W&G. How can you not like this shit? Okay, I'm biased because I live in the city where it all comes from, but wow. This movie was incredible. I was never 100% confident in it to be honest, because even though I love the shorts, I didn't like CHICKEN RUN, mainly because it was too long, and thus stretched to a point where it just wasn't funny. Also, i thought Gibson was stunt casting. But W&G kicks its ass. The voice work is amazing, the animation absolutely brilliant, and the writing was great. I seriously thing Aardman are second behind Pixar in the animation stakes after this. Great stuff.

Another iTunes 11

2006-03-03T16:58:00.000Z

Right. Now my fucking iTunes is actually doing things properly again, it's time for another eleven, methinks.

1. Alanis Morisette - Perfect
2. The Doors - Five To One
3. DangerDoom - Perfect Hair
4. Tenacious D - Kyle Quit The Band
5. Razorlight - Fall, Fall, Fall
6. The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil
7. Devo - Gut Feeling
8. Metallica - Through The Never
9. RATM - Fistful of Steel
10. The Cure - The Walk (Acoustic Version)
11. They Might Be Giants - Particle Man

Rediscovering Superman, Part 1

2006-03-02T18:48:00.000Z

While always being a fan of the man in red undies, I realized a while ago I've never really read a great deal of the Superman comics. I've picked up the odd issue, and used to read the DC UK comic they used to run over here, but I've never really gone into depth with it. I guess my real love for the character comes from the movies and the Fleischer cartoons, and in a limited capacity, the WB cartoon.

So I've decided to rectify this. Luckily, my local comics store (the great Forbidden Planet) just re-opened in a huge megastore mode, with trades coming out of the wazoo. So they have a lot of choice, and to be honest, as someone who's been out of the comic reading realm for a long time, it's hard to know where to start.

I picked up two trades: SUPERMAN CHRONICLES VOL.1, which is basically the twelve or so Superman comics that were first released, in chronological order. You get ACTION COMICS #1 - 13, some odd World's Fair comic, and SUPERMAN #1. It's fine stuff, and a great look at what the golden age, and what comics were like when superheroes weren't really a big thing.

It's a bit odd, and there's a few things I discovered, like Superman working for the Daily Star as opposed to the Planet. The art is greatness, I love the real old-school simplicity of it. But of course, it turns out this isn't the real-real Superman, but instead the Superman from Earth-Two, although we didn't know that until 1986.

So I also bought the trade that introduced the Superman that stars in the comics now, the 1986 mini-series SUPERMAN: THE MAN OF STEEL that rebooted the character. It's funny, I actually recognized this from the UK book I mentioned above that I used to enjoy in my youth (back when an issue of Marvel's STAR WARS comic was 35p). It's pretty good, and has some fun stuff in it, including Batman and Superman teaming up, to fight a totally lame villain named Magpie. There's some real nice stuff from the last issue, with Clark heading back to Smallville and seeing Lana, who knew his secret from when he was there originally.

Where to go from here? I think it's high time I check out the whole DC reboot trade, CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS, as well as the brand new Showcase (essentially like Marvel's Essentials books) editions of the silver-age Kal-El, which are awesome. I guess I better see if Forbidden Planet have a wedding list feature with their catalogues...

I Am Curious (Black)

2006-03-02T03:12:00.000Z

I find it hilarious the furore that has resulted from this image, even going so far as to cause Sony to state on the website that it "is not a black and white image." No sir, this isn't a shot from the last movie with the colour turned down. This is a whole new image. This is the debut of Emo-Spidey.

In all seriousness, any comic reader worth his or her salt knows this is the infamous "black costume," introduced during Spidey's intergalactic adventures in the SECRET WARS. The first incarnation of the outfit was a living being, a "symbiote" which allowed Peter all kinds of powers like unlimited webbing and even more super-strength, in exchange for it bonding to him and his soul. Naturally, Peter didn't much like this, so with the help of the Fantastic Four and a sonic blaster, he got rid of it, but liked the style so much that he made a normal black costume to wear for a while. That is, until Venom (the result of the rejected symbiote melding with a guy named Brock who hated Spidey) showed up.

Most older Spidey fans hate Venom, and they have pretty good reason to. He's pretty much the poster boy - along with Carnage - for Spidey's decline in the 90s, although I find him still easier to swallow than the spider-totem crapola. He, and people like Spawn, were one of the big reasons comics nearly died a death, and in the meantime alienated what was up until then comic books' biggest audience: kids. I guess it's no coincidence that Todd McFarlane had a hand in both of them (Spawn and Venom).

I'll be honest, I liked the original David Michelinie Venom story in AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #301, as he was kind of creepy and didn't have the big gimmick nature he has now. I also enjoyed how he was done in ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, although found the whole cancer storyline a bit forced. It's interesting to see how they deal with it all in the film. The guy they cast to be Venom seems to be a lot like Tobey Maguire, so it seems they're going for the straight double route.

My only worry is the hodgepodge of characters already in the mix. Considering we apparently have Sandman, Venom, Harry as the Green Goblin, plus Gwen Stacy, it's getting kind of nuts. To visualize how this movie is going carry the introduction of three new characters, plus the Harry storyline and inevitably, yet more of the absolutely fucking dire Mary Jane relationship stuff, is pretty impossible. I hope Raimi hasn't bitten off more than he can chew with this.

Supergirl, How I Love Thee

2006-03-02T03:03:00.000Z

Or rather this magnificent bust. Ahem.

Just A Little Announcement

2006-02-20T00:14:00.000Z

I've been seriously slacking lately, but there's a huge reason for this. Well, not really, I'm just a lazy fuck. But in other news:

As of last week (yes, Valentine's Day. Hey, I'm romantic!), my beautiful girlfriend Lisa and I are engaged.

That is all. For now...

New Blog

2006-02-01T23:41:00.000Z

I have a new blog, based on my movie making. Enjoy!

http://charliemovie.blogspot.com/

The 007 Quiz

2006-01-27T02:50:00.000Z

I'm bored, and I've been watching a ton of Bond flicks, so I thought I'd come up with this quiz. Enjoy (and reply with your own/cut and paste to own blog).

1. Favourite Bond Movie

LICENCE TO KILL

2. Favourite Bond

Timothy Dalton

3. Favourite Bond Girl

Melina from FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

4. Favourite Bond Villain

Ernst Stavro Blofeld from YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE

5. Favourite Bond Car

The Lotus Esprit from THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

6. Favourite Bond Gadget

The Magnetic zipper pulling watch from FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

7. Favourite Bond Non-Car Vehicle

The funky helicopter thing from GOLDENEYE

8. Favourite Secondary Bond Girl

Plenty O'Toole from DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER

9. Favourite Secondary Bond Villain

Jaws!

10. Favourite Bond Song

Nobody Does It Better from THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

11. Favourite Bond Action Scene

The tanker chase from LICENCE TO KILL. It's ludicrous, but great fun.

12. Favourite Bond Method of Torture/Death/Antagonism

The Tarantula in DR. NO.

13. Favourite Villainous Plot

MOONRAKER. Super race of Amazons!

14. First Bond Girl You Had A Crush On

Anya Amasova from THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

15. Worst Bond

Lazenby. Come on!

16. Worst Bond Film

DIE ANOTHER DAY. No contest.

17. Worst Bond Song

If DIE ANOTHER DAY hadn't been released, Lulu's THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN would've been a lock. As it is, Madonna takes it.

18. Silliest Bond Gadget

The Gondola/Hovercraft from MOONRAKER. Grow up, 007!

19. Favourite Bond Quip

'Keeping the British end up, sir." from THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

20. Worst Bond Quip

"I thought Christmas only comes once a year." from THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH

21. Favourite Q Line

'I think he's attempting re-entry, sir!'

22. Favourite Pre-Credit Sequence

GOLDFINGER. Perfection.

23. First Bond Film You Saw

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

Giant Movie Quiz

2006-01-18T03:30:00.000Z

I grabbed this from HB's blog via AICN. Kinda cool, and although I did put my answers in a comment on his blog, I've decided to revise a couple, and maybe add a slight appendice or two. In any case, feel free to put yours in the reply, I'd like to see what you guys and gals say.

1) First Movie you saw in a theater? RETURN OF THE JEDI
1a) First Movie you saw? THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

2) First R-Rated Film You Bought A Ticket For By Yourself? TERMINATOR 2
2a) First R-Rated Film You Saw Underage? LA BAMBA

3) Favorite Movie Snack? Hot dogs.

4) Favorite film going experience? Seeing EMPIRE in a theater for the first time in '97.

5) Stupidest thing you did that you saw in a Movie? Pretended to be Spider-Man after seeing the Nicholas Hammond classic, swung around the first floor bannister, broke my arm.

6) First film to inspire carnal thoughts for the opposite sex? RISKY BUSINESS.
6a) First film to provoke an attraction for the opposite sex? STAR WARS.

7) Have you ever paid for one movie and snuck into another? No.

8) Have you ever seen a movie in Drive-In? No.

9) Have you ever had sex in a car while watching a movie in a Drive-In? No

10) If so, what film? N/A

11) Ever had sex in a movie theater? No. Made out during BATMAN BEGINS though.

12) If so, what film? N/A

13) Favorite John Hughes Film? WEIRD SCIENCE

14) Favorite Quentin Tarantino film? KILL BILL Vol. 1 & 2

15) Favorite Hitchcock Film? SHADOW OF A DOUBT

16) Favorite Spielberg Film? JAWS

17) Favorite Zombie Film? DAWN OF THE DEAD

18) Favorite Actor (dead)? Brando

19) Favorite Actor (living)? Tony Leung

20) Favorite Character Actor Ever? Warren Oates

21) Favorite Actress (dead)? Rita Hayworth

22) Favorite Actress (living)? Vicky Zhao Wei

23) Favorite Character Actress Ever? Zelda Rubenstein

24) Favorite Theatrical Animated Character? Edna Mode

25) Favorite Film Score? THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK – John Williams

26) Favorite piece of Film Music? “The Rebel Fleet/End Title” – John Williams from THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

27) Favorite Film Song? “Nobody Does It Better" - Carly Simon in THE SPY WHO LOVED ME

28) Favorite Christmas Movie? THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS/GREMLINS

29) Favorite Film Genre? Sci-Fi/Horror/Fantasy

30) Favorite Porn Film? A funky French one called "Sex Dreamers"

31) First Porn Film You Saw? Some random Swedish one with a chick riding a gear stick.

32) Favorite Disney Film? SNOW WHITE

33) Favorite Western? ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST

34) Favorite Musical? THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

35) Favorite Horror Film? AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

36) Favorite Comedy? Tie: THE HOLY GRAIL and SHAUN OF THE DEAD

37) Favorite Science Fiction Film? THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980)

38) Favorite Suspense Film? SE7EN

39) Favorite Romantic Film? A FAREWELL TO ARMS

40) Favorite Epic? LOTR TRILOGY

41) Least Favorite Thing About Seeing Films in A Theater? The audience.

42) Favorite Thing about Seeing Films in a Theater? The atmosphere, letting it suck you in.

43) If you could be any film character, who? Rick Deckard

44) If you could have sex with any film character, who? Jessica Rabbit

45) If you could live happily ever after with a film character, who? Probably Alex from AMERICAN WEREWOLF.

46) If you could be any movie monster, who? David Kessler (see above)

47) Favorite Film Critic? Ebert/Jay Sherman

48) Favorite Screen Writer? Andrew Kevin Walker, John Sayles, Peter Jackson

49) Favorite Director? Peter Jackson, Takeshi Kitano

50) Chaplin or Keaton? Chaplin

The Big N Comes Through

2006-01-12T18:13:00.000Z

This is awesome. I'm more of a casual video gamer (I have a PS2 and an Xbox, but only really play the Xbox), although I was addicted to the Super NES as a kid. It's good then that Nintendo's brand new console, the Revolution, will provide SNES games, and more.

Don't let these pictures put you off. They're part of a mock-up for how the system will work. Basically, as well as playing DVD-based games, it'll also allow you to download games from the SNES, NES and N64 for a price - $2.99 for the first two, and $19.99 for the N64 games, apparently. That's a bit steep, but then again, it's not like the N64 has a huge back catalogue of quality. There'll also be a monthly fee, which'll allow you to rent an infinite amount of games per month.

Yes, rent. You can download them, but after a while, they'll self-destruct somehow. There are a bunch of top titles being ready for launch, and there are certainly some classics there (TETRIS, SUPER MARIO WORLD, GOLDENEYE to name but a few). I think if Sony were to adopt this system, especially with SEGA's back catalogue, that'd really make their domination of the console market much more realistic. In any case, this looks fucking cool.

Incubus

2006-01-11T21:01:00.000Z

I dug Incubus the first time they were around. I still think 'S.C.I.E.N.C.E.' is a cool record, but when they released 'Make Yourself,' I didn't like it much. I know there's been lots of cries that they sold-out, and yeah, they have gone a bit more commercial. But listening to Make Yourself again, I also think that they maybe found their identity with that record. I mean, as good as S.C.I.E.N.C.E. was, it's a bit one-note and shows their weakness as a Faith No More tribute band with a very good singer, whereas the leap they made on the next album suits them a lot more, and they don't really sound like anyone but Incubus. So yeah, I like that album a lot more now. It's good stuff, which is more than I can say about a lot of the bands that came around at the same time (Korn, I'm looking at you).

Licenced to Shill

2006-01-08T18:53:00.000Z

Yeah, so. I have a new blog. It's been linked for a while on the side, but I thought I'd post about it to draw attention to it. I've decided I'm going to keep most of the movie talk to there, with the more personal stuff here. Just reorganizing, really.

The Fifteen Years Movie Blog

Jigsaws!

2006-01-06T03:52:00.000Z

The guys at IMP Awards have a cool little feature up: jigsaws made out of movie posters. Some are easy, some are hard and some (like the BEING JOHN MALKOVICH one) are "insane." Still, this is what being an insomniac can do for you.

The iTunes 11

2006-01-04T17:30:00.000Z

No, it's not a new George Clooney movie. Basically, what goes is that you shuffle through your iTunes (or wimp or whatever you use) and note down the eleven tracks you pick, and see what the results are. Here are mine, you can post yours in the reply thingie.

1. Howard Shore - Rivendell
2. Danny Elfman - Town Meeting Song
3. The Cure - Let's Go To Bed
4. Beck - Girl
5. RHCP - Give It Away
6. Foo Fighters - Weenie Beenie
7. Lisa Gerrard - La Bas
8. Johnny Cash - Sam Hall
9. Foo Fighters - DOA
10. Seu Jorge - Life on Mars
11. Ryan Adams - Call Me On Your Way Back Home

It's 2006, Apparently

2006-01-03T01:26:00.000Z

So here we are. The year Twenty-Oh-Six. Can't say it feels that much different. New Year's was fun though. Drank lots of Tequila, dressed like a Jedi, met Spongebob Squarepants. Fun, but I'm still really tired.

I'm also trying to think of NY resolutions. I have a few traditional ones, i.e. quit biting my nails, but the only other one I can really think of right now is that I have to do more writing and watch more new films, because seriously, my new movie watching was slack as fuck last year.

Here's a pic of Lisa and me on NYE. We're such geeks, but we had a great time.

The List of Goodies

2005-12-27T17:41:00.000Z

As of today, in no particular order:

Blue Squadron Battlestar Galactica Colonial Viper
Imperial logo watch
Star Wars Monopoly
King Kong Collection
Jonathan Livingstone Seagull
A bottle of Smirnoff Vodka
A huge Hot Rum Yorkie bar
A huge Cadbury's Dairy Milk Bar
A box of really fancy chocolates
Star Wars: Battlefront II for Xbox

The one thing I didn't get that I was hoping I would: SOCKS.

She Liked It!

2005-12-25T01:07:00.000Z

She liked the gift I got her, which incidentally was a ring (no, not that kind of ring). I also got her an Incredibles storybook because we both adore the film, but what counts is she loves it. Phew.

She happens to be amazing at buying presents, too. Two presents in and I'm wondering how the rest are going to live up to this.

The swag:

2005: In Review

2005-12-23T19:12:00.000Z

This year has been strange. It's had the lowest lows imaginable, and yet the highest highs. Some great movies have come this way, as well as a lot of disappointments. I lost one of the most important people in my life, but also gained someone I love dearly, someone that has been and still is so inherently important, that I can say that if she wasn't there, I don't know if I would still be here. Make of that what you will.

I've tried my best, but I'm not looking forward to Christmas. But it doesn't really matter, because after all the pain and the memories and the feelings, I still have people to spend it with that mean something to me, one especially. So for that, I'm thankful.

Take care, folks and have a better one.

It's Alive!

2005-12-23T17:45:00.000Z

Hooray! My costume is finally finished, so it's on to making Lisa's now. I'm incredibly impressed with the finished product, not just the thing itself but the effort and care that went into making it as close as the movie costume as possible. It's this reason why I want Lisa to do costume work for my movies now.

Costuming

2005-12-20T22:35:00.001Z

I've been so busy lately, mainly with christmas shopping, but more importantly, with making costumes. For New Year's Eve, we'll be going down to the coastal town of Weymouth, where every NYE, the entire town dresses in costumes and gets heavily drunk. I went last year as Aragorn, and had an absolutely amazing time. So we've decided to go this year, and while Aragorn was mostly quickly thrown together, we're spending a lot more time and effort (and money!) on these.

Choosing who to be is always one of the hardest things. You have to consider what materials you have available to you, how difficult it is to make the actual costume, and how much it'll cost, and also how recognizable you'll be. Despite being a pretty convincing Aragorn, I spent much of last year telling people who I was supposed to be. Not happening this year.

So, after a long thought process (including Jason Voorhees and his scantily-clad victim) Lisa and I have decided to be Anakin and Padme (not respectively, obviously). Being that Anakin's was the harder of the two - although Lisa has to make an entire dress, with bump included - we've started on his first. Translation: Lisa did most of the work, I modelled and pranced around with a lightsaber while lighting cigarettes for her.

We're probably about 3/4 of the way through his costume, and she's done a remarkable job. It looks fucking great, and I've provided a visual image, even though photos just don't do any kind of justice to how good the costume looks. All that remains is a few trimmings, plus the boots, and we'll be set to start on Padme. But at the moment, it just looks so fucking cool.

KONG'd Out

2005-12-16T01:40:00.000Z

I'm really, really tired - or "knackered," as Andy Serkis put it, and far too exhausted to write any kind of real review.

All I'll say that it was a thing of beauty. Loved it to death. God bless you, Peter Jackson.

The Legend Of The Blog Lives On...

2005-12-14T04:07:00.000Z

I haven't posted here for a week, so I'm doing it now. Been busy off doing stuff, mostly seeing my amazing girlfriend. Here's a few reasons why she's great:

- makes me laugh all the time
- stunningly beautiful
- very supportive
- owns the holy trilogy

Speaking of Star Wars, I've also began doing this project, essentially doing a chronological restoration of the soundtrack to REVENGE OF THE SITH. It seems with soundtracks, especially Star Wars, they're put together rather strangely, and you have some bits that are chronologically out, some bits that are edited onto the end of other tracks, and others that feel more part of a track where they should be a track on their own. So I've been editing music - also adding the parts used from the other two prequels - and fixing stuff, just to make it a little truer to the movie. For example, the opening track, where the Main Title segues off and there's a blast of horns before the Force theme comes in, well in the flick, those horns aren't there (instead they're in the scene where the Clones hit Utapau) and instead we get a heavy drum sound before the Force theme kicks in. Unfortunately, I don't have the source music for the drum sound, so I'm just starting off with the Force theme. Stuff like that, really.

I guess some of it is supposedly scored for other bits. I know a lot of people had issues with the use of the trade federation march underscoring the clones in EPISODE II, and although I thought it fit well, it's well known that it originally scored Obi-Wan seeing the federation ships on Geonosis, where I don't think it fit very well. Here, we have a piece of music at the end of "Palpatine's Teachings" (the opera scene) which I remember was supposed to score Yoda going off to help the wookies on Kashyyyk (and is a rephrase of a piece used in EPISODE I to score the queen's ship leaving Coruscant). In the film, it's used for Obi-Wan as he arrives at the Tantive IV, which works pretty well. It follows the music where Anakin is put on the council and they talk about sending someone to Kashyyyk, so it fits there, but the opera scene comes after those scenes, so I don't know if it's weird editing or what. It's like track 13 'Grievous Talks To Sidious' comes in the film right after the opening space battle and subsequent crash, especially since it contains the first notes of the scene with Anakin and Padme on the balcony before he has his nightmare.

It's reasonably hard, especially since I'm using Windows Movie Maker, and it brings forth the reality of how sloppily edited some of the music really is in the flick. The music that scores the space ship crash is a prime example; using music from 'The Tide Turns' from EPISODE I, but edited to hell and it's jarring, so much that when I think I've done a bad job with the track, it's more that it was edited badly in the first place. Oh well.

Revenge of THE LIST

2005-12-09T14:22:00.000Z

A couple of you folks will know that I used to do a column a while ago on Generallogan.com called THE LIST. It was basically a Friday afternoon rant about things that were pissing me off. Well, I'm kind of in a ranting mood, so I'm bringing it back.

1. FIRSTBUS CORPORATION

Let's see. You are a bus company who runs hundreds of services in a medium-sized city. Your buses are always late. They are always crowded. They are expensive. They are cold. They usually carry chavs. What is the best solution to these problems?

If you guess "raise the fares," you'd be correct! Well done Firstbus, you're a complete and utter fucking cunt. As if it wasn't enough that I always have to wait at least seven minutes for your fucking buses to arrive, only to find that they're scummy hives of villainy that look like the inside of an incontinent granny's underwear, you're hiking up the price I pay for the privilege to travel on your filthmobiles. £3.00 (£3.60 before 9am) is bad enough, but now it's gone straight to £3.50, with the before 9 fare going to a fucking outrageous £4.40. I imagine going to the Firstbus headquarters is like entering some mythical pimp's domain, with bowls of cocaine idly sitting aside for you to try, and legions of scantily-clad harem women humming bus drivers. I can't imagine it'd make the buses any fucking later.

2. SPAM EMAIL OF THE PENIS ENHANCEMENT KIND

This may be a little TMI, but I have no problem getting an erection, and I am perfectly comfortable with the size of my lightsaber. So why oh why do I keep getting millions of emails per day asking me if I want to buy drugs to keep me going or treatments that will make my cock break walls? "Rock Hard in 20 Minutes!" Is this advertising erection pills or the new Darkness album?

3. ANTI-BEING NEGATIVE

I've always been a pretty strong opinionated guy, so I'm usually likely to say something about something, good or bad. This happened this week with the X-MEN 3 trailer and the still of Beast. Guess what? Both were shit. The trailer looks shiny but was dull as dishwater, and Beast looks like an early Beast Man concept from MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. The picture of Colossus - whether it's real or fan made remains to be scene - looks absolutely retarded and like it came from ReBoot, rather than an expensive Hollywood movie. Yet, if I try and raise this opinion, what happens? I'm being overly negative and I have a grudge against Brett Ratner.

Yes, I have a grudge against Ratner, because he gets tons of money to make ABSOLUTE SHITE. Trailers and official stills are released so people can react to what they've seen and decide whether or not they would like to see the movie. Right now, I'd rather be rectally violated by Bea Arthur's huge flaccid penis.

4. TELEMARKETERS

Telemarketer: I'm ringing to see if you want to get a free T-Mobile mobile phone with the latest features and texts, and 500 texts free every month.

Me: I don't want a contract phone.

Telemarketer: You get 500 free texts every month.

Me: I already have a phone. With Orange. I'm very happy.

Telemarketer: I'm ringing to see if you want to...

Me: I'm very happy with my phone.

Telemarketer: I'm ringing to...

Me: FUCK OFF!

Everything but the last comment happened half an hour or so ago. Mobile phone companies are especially bad for this - when I cancelled my Vodafone contract, I kept getting calls begging me to come back. Are they so desperate for my business? The worst is when you say 'No,' and they seem to interpret that as 'Oh, so you are interested.' I don't want to shout Fuck Off, but I feel I might have to start soon.

5. VICKY POLLARD-A-LIKES

I was sitting on the bus stop today listening to the iPod and smoking, and this girl and her friend were sat next to me. I turned my iPod up to full volume, but all I could hear was 'Yeah, but no, but yeah' and 'Yeah, she's gonna get beatings cause I done Judo' and all this shit. And then she got on the bus and managed to be even louder. Jesus fucking christ, what is this, some genetically-engineered hyper-chav, specially bred by Richard Attenborough to make the general population want to stab our eardrums?

The funny thing is, all of these people love LITTLE BRITAIN, and Vicky Pollard and imitate her infinitely. The irony being that the people imitating her are the people Matt Lucas is ripping in the first place. It's hilarious to see people so dumb that they just don't get that such an obvious satirical show is pointing fun at the fact that they are complete slappers who get daily ASBOs and who'll open their legs for a bag of Milky Way Stars. As Bill Hicks once said, 'they don't need children. That's a judgement call, and I'm making it. It also happens to be completely true.'

More Things Britain Is Crap At

2005-12-07T14:38:00.000Z

The NHS. Fuck them. I could be lying in a ditch with no arms and legs and they'd still say 'we don't have any appointments until April or May.'

Things I've Learned Today

2005-12-01T14:04:00.000Z

If you're a twelve year old single mother with thirty kids running around, you can live off the government forever without any need for a job or any kind of education, but if you're a hardworking person with real problems that weren't caused by being too stupid to go on the pill and opening your legs to every man you see, talk to the hand cause the face isn't interested.

DVD As We Know It

2005-11-28T21:58:00.000Z

It's funny how much DVD has changed things, and how much we take it for granted now. We expect crystal clear picture, 9.1 sound and fifteen discs of bonus material. Take my layout for instance. I'd have never been able to do that without DVD, at least in the quality it's in. As far as I know, there's never been a VHS player in a PC, and christ, who'd want one? What once probably took a huge amount of time and wiring just to connect the VCR up to the computer now takes roughly one minute. Crazy.

Odd Stuff

2005-11-28T16:06:00.000Z

I was in WH Smith's the other day with Lisa, and this lady walked to the counter and asked if they had Connect Four. The clerk's priceless reply:

'Is that some kind of board game?'

We watched DUNE and JAWS, THE REVENGE last night. Too many of those try-to-hard-to-be-funny MST3k style sites like Jabootu have talked endlessly about JTR, so I'm not going to go into detail, only that Lance Guest is a charisma vaccum.

I used to love DUNE. I saw it in the cinema with my mum, and I always dug it, especially the look. But watching it yesterday, my love wasn't there at all. What I saw was this stilted visually interesting but emotionally vapid attempt at a sci-fi flick. Kind of like the prequels, really. I still like the music though.

I watched REVENGE OF THE SITH again today. Critically, I don't think it's the greatest flick in the world, but I've warmed up to it so much. I still think George Lucas needs to remember that directing includes motivating actors though.

House Cleaning

2005-11-28T00:20:00.000Z

Well, the Bennett incident aside, I'd stuck with Kong for a while, so I felt like I wanted a change. I was going to do something using a piece of Tim Sale's art from BATMAN: DARK VICTORY, but I had a brainstorm. I've always found movie titles fascinating, and I thought I'd make a college of some of my favourites. I tried to go A-Z, but didn't make it all the way based on space and titles available (X-MEN 2 and WOLFEN are two that didn't make the cut), although I think there's a decent selection, my favourite probably being ALIEN. Such an incredible title sequence.

Recent Playings

2005-11-26T01:24:00.000Z

KING KONG

I finished this today. It's a lovely game, and I love what it does both in terms of gameplay, and also its attempt to marry itself to the cinematic experience. I'm not usually a fan of the normal games and their attempts to do that, as it usually inevitably ends up as two minutes of gameplay and four hours of cutscenes, and boring ones at that, not to mention that the scriptwork in games isn't usually half as good as some gamers think it is. Kong does several things to enhance the experience, foremostly being the lack of a HUD (heads-up-display). That means there's no health bar, no ammo counter, or anything like that. All you have is an optional gun sight, although you can press B if you want to know how much ammo you have left, but it isn't always going to tell you shot by shot. Healthwise, you probably have two or three hits before you're dead, depending on what's attacking you. If it's a flying dino, you'll probably have two or most, but if a T-Rex is bearing down on you, don't expect an easy time.

Ammo supplies as such aren't spread around like candy, so you have to have a tactical approach to things and not rely on your gun. Luckily, the natives have left spears around, and there are also dinosaur bones you can use. But it's a lot trickier to take down a big lizard using a rib-bone rather than a tommygun. The game is tricky, and it took me about a week or so playing every day to finish it. The parts where you play as Kong are excellent, especially when you have to work in tandem with Ann to solve some problems. It's fun as hell, and yes, you do actually get to climb the Empire State Building. It's fun stuff, and highly recommended.

STAR WARS: BATTLEFRONT II

I also finished the main storyline for this today. It's called RISE OF THE EMPIRE and focuses on the 501st legion of clones, following them through the separatist war to the emergence of the Empire, all told by a world-weary Tem Morrison in a sort of war diary format. It's really fun, and begins on Geonosis from ATTACK OF THE CLONES, moving through Kamino, Coruscant (the Jedi Temple attack led by Anakin), Yavin and finishing on Hoth in a mission aptly titled 'Our Finest Hour.' You get to play as certain "heroes" during some of the missions, such as Boba Fett on Kamino, Anakin on Coruscant, and Darth Vader on Hoth.

But probably my favourite thing about the game is the space battles. I absolutely loved X-WING VS TIE FIGHTER, and this is the closest thing to it. The space battle engine is amazingly easy to use, and everything is dead on. One thing that has always been special about Star Wars to me is the sound, and BF2 nails it. There's something about a lightsaber hum or the scream of a TIE's engine or that blaster sound that just makes you believe in the experience, and BF2 does that tenfold. It doesn't help that John Williams' music is blasting out around you either.

You get to fly all kinds of ships. Gunships, X/Y/V/A-Wings, TIE Fighters/Interceptors/Bombers, Jedi Starfighters, Droid ships, Imperial Shuttles. You even get to drive AT-ATs. It's an amazing game, and with the game mechanics + the Star Wars experience more authentic than ever before, it has a lot of replay value.

Recent Viewings

2005-11-26T00:37:00.000Z

These aren't in order. I'm just writing what comes into my head first.

BATMAN

In recent years, I've been rather critical of Tim Burton's 1989 weirdo epic, but I've come to realize I like it quite a bit. It was a different story in '89; I saw it opening day and loved it to bits (BATMAN BEGINS was the first Batflick I didn't see in the opening weekend) and after purchasing the new special edition DVD, I've changed my opinion somewhat. Don't get me wrong, there are still things I don't like. I hate Robert Wuhl's character, Kim Basinger is the wrong kind of dame, I don't buy the idea that because a guy wears a batsuit he has to be this absolute freak, the action isn't great, I hate the Prince soundtrack, and most controversially I guess, I don't rate Nicholson's Joker. I think there are times when he comes close to being my clown prince of crime, but overall, he's not funny or psychotic enough. That's the thing though, Batman and the rogue's gallery have been through so many interpretations over the years, I'm not sure you can truly 100% say 'that's the one.' But he isn't my Joker. I also hate that he killed Bruce's parents. Not a fan of that at all.

On the other hand, Michael Keaton is close to my Batman. He works brilliantly in the suit, he has the sinister edge and I love that he isn't your standard muscle-bound superstar. He also doesn't have an over-the-top silly voice when he's in the cowl. I love the design of Gotham and the industrial noir edge that I guess somewhat influenced the animated series, although it's not sprawling enough. I love Elfman's music, and the Batmobile is the coolest car in the history of cinema, period. I guess it's a product of its time, notably the post-DKR era, and I think it pays its respects well to the book's roots. I guess Burton certainly has his personal claws into the thing, but then, I think he does it well enough without being disrespectful, and I know I'd probably want to put a personal edge on a Batman flick if I did it. Although it does follow the others where Batman deliberately or inadvertantly kills the bad guy at the end. I like it though.

KING KONG '76

I love the original 1933 KONG. I'm looking forward to Peter Jackson's version. Because of this, and because I seem to be hearing more people saying it's good, I decided to pick up the 70s remake. I didn't pay full price, but I wanted to give it another chance as I hadn't seen it for a while, although I wasn't a fan as a child, and as someone said to me today, 'if a kid doesn't like a giant monkey film, something's wrong.' Like BATMAN, KK76 is a product of its time. The time of the oil crisis, and the emergence of multi-nationals, both of which give influence to the new storyline, where an oil chief goes to an island looking for a new source of fuel, only to find a huge gorilla. Along the way, Jeff Bridges stows away and they rescue Jessica Lange, who mentions she was saved by watching DEEP THROAT, meaning she was on the deck of a yacht while all the men below watching a porno exploded to their deaths. That dates the film even more. Then there's Kong.

I'll be honest, the 1933 Kong wasn't that realistic a portrayal of a gorilla. But his character came through Willis O'Brien's stop-motion animation and his design. Whereas his 1976 equivalent is a man in an ape suit. It may have been oscar-winning Rick Baker, but it was still a guy in an ape suit. And no amount of bad matte shots can ever convince me otherwise. He looks ridiculous. He has this goofy grin that makes him look both retarded and creepy (one in the same to some people, I guess) and his clumsy walking seems less gorilla and more Godzilla. Add to that, the producers (step forward, legendary B-movie mogul Dino De Laurentiis) took out all the dinosaurs. Where are the freakin' Brontosauruses and Stegosauruses and T-Rex's? All we get is a crappy plastic snake.

Not to mention the relationship between Kong and "Dwan." Fay Wray, well at first she did a lot of screaming because, naturally, that's what you'd do if a fifty-foot gorilla wanted to fuck you. Jessica Lange, however, she looks up at those big googly ape eyes and says 'You male chauvinist pig ape.' Thank you very much, 1970s. Then again, that's what you get when you hire the screenwriter of the 1966 BATMAN movie, who had the nerve to attack the original Kong when justifying his stupendously stupid script. There is some ridiculously high-handed dialogue as well, especially from conservationist Jeff Bridges, and the whole flick treats itself as this amazing epic, but forgets that the whole flick is banking on the believability of Jessica Lange and a guy in an ape suit. As Sam Beckett said many times, Oh boy.

There are a couple of things I like. The cinematography is sometimes beautiful, and John Barry's score is good, although I'd be lying if I thought it was anywhere near the level that some people have said it to be. I suppose it's better if you treat it as a parody of the original, like maybe what JAWS 3, PEOPLE 0 would have been like. But then, it's better if you don't watch it at all.

LITTLE BRITAIN

I love this show. The characters are astoundingly clever and funny, and there are no places Matt Lucas and David Walliams won't go. The old characters are always great, but there are some fantastic new ones, including Harvey "Bitty" Pincher, a man in his late 20s who is still breast-feeding, an elderly woman who copiously vomits whenever she eats food made by anyone not white or straight, and Carol, the bank clerk who's "Computer says no" act is no doubt based on the bank I work for, NatWest. Not forgetting the heinously obese Bubbles De Vere and her huge grey minge. Great stuff.

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

Hadn't seen this in a long time, what a poor pseudo-horror where very little actually happens. Decent James Brolin performance, but the shameless EXORCIST rip-offs and the demonic pig is just too much to take.

To Blog Or Not To Blog

2005-11-26T00:33:00.000Z

I had this weird inner monologue with myself about five minutes ago, deciding on whether or not I could really be bothered to write an entry today. I've wanted to for about two days, but since the end of the weekend is nearing, this is as good a time as any.

I'm splitting the posts into three sections, namely this one and two others on the entertainment experience from the last few days, of which there has been quite a bit. I've had a cheap weekend with my girlfriend, i.e. watching flicks and little else, and work stuff aside, life feels good right about now.

But enough talk. There are movies and video games and the likes to wax lyrical about.

The View From My Window...

2005-11-25T14:18:00.000Z

...this morning.
I kept expecting to see tauntauns running past.

A Busy Weekend

2005-11-20T00:55:00.000Z

Ah. The weekend is over, but it's been a fun one. I had to work Friday night, but I'm starting on a rehabilitation program there to ease me back in and make sure I don't have an immediate relapse as soon as the first customer shouts at me, so I watched videos and listened to phone calls. We got home and were really tired, so Lisa slept while I watched a bit of REVENGE OF THE SITH and played some computer games.

Lisa went to work early Saturday, so I slept in for a bit, before playing some Battlefront II. It's pretty darn tough, but damn enjoyable. I finally managed to get past the mission where you have to assassinate the Queen of Naboo, and I'm currently stuck on the Death Star mission. It's hard, yo.

Saturday night saw us going to a wedding reception of two of my friends. The night started badly, with our taxi not turning up and us having to call for another, but when we got there, it was excellent. There was a cheesy wedding band playing, but they played some decent - and surprising - material, including "Paint It Black," which we danced to, and an amazing version of the Ramones' "Needles & Pins." Great stuff. We came home relatively early (midnight or so) and watched SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE.

Sunday saw us shopping. You'll see the purchases below, although I forgot to add one major one: KING KONG: THE VIDEO GAME. It's fine stuff so far, and I'm stuck right now because I keep getting eaten by dinosaurs. We came home and watched SHAUN OF THE DEAD, BATMAN (great DTS soundtrack) and laughed our asses off at COMMANDO, which inspired the latest layout. I forgot how completely gay that movie is. Amazing stuff.

All in all, a great weekend.

Alfred, Let's Go Shopping

2005-11-20T00:42:00.000Z

Purchases of today:

He's Back!

2005-11-18T08:32:00.000Z

Cue Marlon Brando

Comic Sans Must Die

2005-11-17T23:18:00.000Z

What is it with Comic Sans? Why on earth do people continue to use the most heinous of fonts, cursing us to suffer through their badly made websites populated entirely by the devil's typeface. The thing is ugly, it's cheesy, and it doesn't even look like comic lettering! The worst thing is, it's no longer limited to AvrilFan666's Geocities page or the ad for "Christian services" in the window of the local store. Nope, I actually saw it on a genuine movie the other day.

Granted, it wasn't exactly a flick of the highest quality. ROLE OF A LIFETIME starring Scott Bakula in a pseudo-SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS yarn (tangent: how come his career went down the toilet after QUANTUM LEAP? He was great on that show). My pops was watching it on satellite and I looked up to glimpse that almost pornographic font spreading its evil disease through the idiot box as the credits ran. I can understand it in student films - let's face it, for the handful of great talents that come through from academia, there's still a fuckload of morons doing it just because it's not hard to qualify for media courses - but in proper budgeted movies, there's no excuse.

Not even if Joel Schumacher directed it.

Reason #421488...

2005-11-14T13:55:00.000Z

... why my girlfriend is awesome.

She bought me this:

Sony = Evil

2005-11-11T02:15:00.000Z

Evil. Evil. Evil.

Fuckers.

Yoda N' The Hood

2005-11-08T12:03:00.000Z

You may or may not be aware that there is a new thing that is raising the ire of Star Wars fans and disillusioned nerds everywhere. Said thing is an easter egg on the DVD for REVENGE OF THE SITH that just happens to have everyone's favourite green Jedi master getting down and rapping to a song by The Roots.

While I applaud Lucasfilm's music taste, as The Roots are a fantastic act, it's not the easiest thing to sit through, although I don't see it as the cock in the ass that other people have. Moreover, it opens my eyes to the concept that a lot of people have forgotten. Star Wars is a mainstream flick, and it's aimed at a mainstream audience. It isn't made to cater for the hardcore fans, but rather a huge demographic, which really is the same as the original trilogy. It's just that we've taken this thing such to our hearts that it's something we seem to have forgotten. And this is the kind of thing the mainstream loves.

We're kidding ourselves if we think Star Wars is this holy franchise that is above things the other franchises do. I mean, come on, this is a film which spawned Tauntaun cookie jars and Ewok toothbrushes. Threepio and Chewbacca were starring in Burger King commercials decades before THE PHANTOM MENACE and its onslaught hit. For fuck's sake, Threepio had his own cereal! As disliked as the prequels are and everything surrounded them, nothing is worse than the Holiday Special. Nothing. As bad as things get, we should take a step back and realize there's nothing being done now that hasn't been done worse before.

Be Very, Very Afraid

2005-11-07T13:57:00.000Z

Yesterday, after yet another viewing of THE INCREDIBLES (which is still amazing), Lisa and I sat down and watched David Cronenberg's THE FLY. I hadn't seen it in ages, and while I'd love to say I watched the brand spanking new special edition, I had to make do with the double feature disc I bought in Dallas when I was up that way. In any case, it's still an amazing movie.

I'm always amazed by the unnerving atmosphere Cronenberg seems to be able to pull off effortlessly. Of course, the heightening of said atmosphere is parallel to Brundle's deterioration, and his transformation from nervous nerd-type to confident and arrogant sex-mad lunatic, culminating in the scene in the bar. That scene always scared me to death as a kid, and it even haunts me to this day, and is no less visceral. But what's more disturbing than a bone popping out of someone's arm is Brundle himself, his tone, his attitude, his character I guess. How he turns from a man trying to better the world to a man so intoxicated by power to the point where he destroys himself is a tragic arc, played perfectly by Goldblum, although it would have been interesting to see the original choice of Michael Keaton play it.

Chris Walas' effects are still amazing. I love the design of the final creature, with its hyper-sensitive eyes jutting about like hummingbird wings. I'm just glad Cronenberg didn't give us a "Fly POV" with the shot cut into hundreds of sections of itself, which I'm sure some modern directors wouldn't have the restraint not to do. Howard Shore's music is excellent, although there were a couple of moments when it was perhaps too bombastic, and some awful music edits.

But in any case, it holds up brilliantly, and works not only as a monster movie so tragic it could have been one of Universal's heyday flicks, but also as a deeper plasma pool, trading on thematic elements taken from the excess of the 80s. It's a good companion piece to the original Vincent Price flick, but like THE THING, is so much more complex.

I ♥ Motorcycles

2005-11-06T16:24:00.000Z

This weekend has been a strange one. We were supposed to get up early on Saturday - reasons will become clear later - and so we tried to get an early night on Friday. Unfortunately, for reasons best left alone (and KING KONG) we got to sleep at around 3.20am, which understandably left us exhausted.

The reason for such drastic getting up times (7.30am) was the International Motorcycle & Scooter Show 2005, which was being held in Birmingham, about two hours from Bristol. Lisa is mad on bikes, so she wanted to take me, and I wanted to go. So two McMuffins later, we set off. The show was excellent. We sat on tons of bikes, including a very sexy Ducati ST3s (see below), and I am firmly set on getting one now. I hooked up with my sister's boyfriend as well, and overall it was a fantastic time, although hugely tiring. So when we got home, we started to watch THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 at about 7pm, and promptly fell asleep. We didn't properly wake until 8.30am this morning, which is an impressive sleep session.

But we took lots of pictures, and I've put them into our photo album (including pics of the actual bike Charley Boorman rode in the excellent LONG WAY ROUND), which also features some of our other random pictures.

Mute Lesbians!

2005-11-03T01:28:00.000Z

That got your attention. Pretty slow day today. Went to see a doctor about some stuff, but after that met with a lady to talk about a possible promotional video gig I'm looking at. Could be good stuff.

Since then, I've been trying to work on my script, or more accurately, one scene that is giving me all kinds of trouble. It's pretty much the centerpiece of the movie, and currently starts on page 82. Basically, it concerns a girl who had a very traumatic experience as a teenager, and since then hasn't been able to talk about it at all. Originally, she was mute, but I did some research on post-traumatic stress disorders and the like, and discovered it's more common that they avoid talking about incidents altogether. So I've started to go down that route, but it's just driving me crazy, finding the right rhythm and dialogue that sounds realistic, but also comes in the right place. I'm sure I'll crack it eventually, but at the moment, it's sending me insane.

I'm trying to find a frame of reference in a movie to compare the scene to, but I can't really think of any. It's basically either the climax of act 2 or the beginning of act 3, I haven't really decided yet. It's essentially the scene that makes a lot of the pieces fall into place, and drives the story towards its conclusion, so I'd say it's the end of act 2. I'm just having trouble finding that killer element to make it really compelling.

KONG!

2005-11-01T22:13:00.000Z

Oh. My. God.

I've been anticipating this movie like crazy, but this just kicked it into overdrive. Three hours long? BRING IT FUCKING ON!

I suppose the sensible thing would be to expect a KK layout soon... good god, this flick looks fucking amazing.

Back to Normal

2005-10-30T21:44:00.000Z

Well, now Halloween has essentially finished, I figured it was time to get back to the normal layout, at least until I get bored of it, which based on previous stats, will probably be next tuesday. I've lazed around today, although introduced Lisa to two new (to her) flicks, THE ABYSS (the extended cut, natch) and POLTERGEIST, which was cool. I've also just added WindowBlinds, which is a cool program that lets you change your XP look and download skins, so my OS looks a little cooler.

The weekend was ace. Friday night saw the hidden and haunted tour, which was a fun way to kill an hour and forty minutes, although it was much different than I expected. I guess I thought it'd be almost a Ghostbusters-set up, where we'd actually go into the places and explore (as seen on the UK's hilarious-yet-spooky show Most Haunted). Instead, we stood out in the cold fending off beggars while some geezer told us about which places were haunted and where people were killed, etc. But it was really cool, especially when followed up by a quick trip to BK for some trashy eating.

Saturday saw us get up at 1.30pm. Well, we actually woke up at 8.30am. I got up, had a cigarette and threw on REVENGE OF THE SITH. Lisa fell just after "The General's ship is dead ahead," while I think I went just as Anakin was promoted to the council. We both woke up to see the end credits, then slept a little more and rewatched the duel, in electrifying 5.1. We went to Lisa's house (where I borrowed a few DVDs) and then onto shopping, and then later on in the evening met friends at a pub, before going to one of their houses to watch a flick and eating chinese food. Being Halloween, I was angling for horror, but I was outvoted and we ended up watching SCHOOL OF ROCK, which is no bad thing as it's a fun movie. To make up for the lack of blood and guts, when we got home we threw on LAND OF THE DEAD, which isn't as scary as it was first time (is anything?) but is still a fucking amazing movie on which is my fifth viewing.

I'm dismayed that LOTD didn't do better business, and while I'm sure if it had been released on Halloween, it would have kicked SAW 2's ass, but on the other hand, I would've had to wait for it. I'm just so glad to see another Romero zombie flick, and especially one that is as fucking good as it is. I have infinite love for the movie, and I'm glad that I'm not alone.

Three More Days...

2005-10-28T02:30:00.000+01:00

... to Halloween. Cue that incredibly creepy Silver Shamrock theme from HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH, incidentally the only Halloween sequel worth watching.

Halloween rocks. It's my favourite time of the year, and while I'll have to save costuming for New Years (or some weird twisted sex game) I'm still aiming to have a fun time. Friday night sees my girlfriend and I traipsing around Bristol on a "hidden and haunted" tour. I'm hoping it'll be much more 'this is where someone met their grisly end' as opposed to 'they used this street as a backdrop in Wallace and Gromit.' Then, Saturday sees a day of movies and fun.

In honour of the holiday, I redid my blog (again!) to honour the very best zombie action cinema has to offer, in the guise of George Romero's 1978 American classic DAWN OF THE DEAD. So to continue the theme, I'll throw a list or two up over the next couple of days, thematically based on the best genre there ever will be. So, to start things off:

MY TEN FAVOURITE HORROR MOVIES

1. AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON
2. EVIL DEAD II
3. DAWN OF THE DEAD
4. SUSPIRIA
5. JAWS
6. THE FOG
7. BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN
8. THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
9. THE EXORCIST
10. A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

THE TEN BEST KILLS

1. Rhodes in DAY OF THE DEAD
2. Tina in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
3. Quint in JAWS
4. The opening kill of SUSPIRIA
5. The Sheriff in FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART VI: JASON LIVES
6. Girl's head blown off in THE BEYOND
7. Splinter-thru-eye in ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS
8. Machete-in-head in DAWN OF THE DEAD
9. Julia kills her husband in HELLRAISER
10. Freddy puppets the kid in A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET III: DREAM WARRIORS

Layout Issues

2005-10-27T23:19:00.000+01:00

Yeah, okay, so I'm indicisive. I kind of like this one though. Took me a while in 'shop to do it up.

Great Words

2005-10-27T21:28:00.000+01:00

Disco.

Goblin.

Slug (especially when used with Crushed).

Bohemian.

Minstrel.

Batmobile.

Revisiting REVENGE

2005-10-26T16:18:00.000+01:00

Well, yesterday it arrived. The brand new DVD of the last Star Wars flick (at least as far as we know), EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH. As regular readers will know from my previous posts (if not, check out the May 2005 archive) I wasn't particularly enthused with the film when I saw it in theaters. I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact that I was looking at it - along with the other prequels - as something more than a film.

I watched it one and a half times yesterday. I kind of skipped through the first time, then sat down and watched it properly with my lady. And I enjoyed it a hell of a lot. And hell, I even cried a tad. I'm not sure why it was actually - maybe because I've spent so much time distancing myself from the whole experience that I've come to terms with the fact that it's just a film. But it's a film I dug.

I have less issues this time. While I still don't think he's at all necessary, Grievous was more of an interesting character this time around, and technically, I love the animation on him. The Mace/Palpatine fight was a bit more interesting, and the duel was fucking electrifying. Of course, there's still a couple of things that bug me; the Emperor's weirdly changing voice during the turn scene is really distracting and sounds silly sometimes, and the 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!' is just plain weird, although I like the sequence and it's great to hear JEJ's voice again.

I was yeeming with Katanga and I think one of the defining things that make you dislike or like the film is the whole turning. I mean, I have no real issues with the logistics of the turn, it just happens so fucking quickly. It's like he tries to get Mace to stop because of the Jedi honour system and their rules, but as soon as it's done, he agrees to nail the Jedi, including the kiddies. I dunno, it just happens far too quickly but I think so much of it is because Lucas shoehorned himself into a corner with the way he did the first two flicks, so with only one left there's only so much to pack in, although I think he should have said 'fuck it' and made it three hours.

I am going to watch them 1-6 soon and see how it pans out as a complete saga. But despite issues, there are still a number of things I dug about the flick. Honestly, I think at this moment in terms of a complete film, I think it's third on the list behind A NEW HOPE. I love JEDI, but I think some of the film really drags, and while the final third kicks ass, Han's neutering is hard to take. I think there's forty-five to sixty minutes of a great film, and an hour and ten minutes of a mediocre one.

I dunno. My opinion might change after many viewings. All I know is, right now, I feel I like it a lot more, and I'm a bit more satisfied with it as a closer. Considering the way everything was fucked up beforehand, I think it's a neat flick, and comes close to capturing the greatness the first two movies in the original trilogy had. That's all I have to say, for now.

Watching REVENGE OF THE SITH...

2005-10-25T23:21:00.000+01:00

...with my girlfriend. General Grievous gets it in the chest, cue her belting out Bon Jovi i.e. 'Shot through the heart...'

Best.
Girlfriend.
Ever.

Being "Cool"

2005-10-25T16:02:00.000+01:00

It's funny. I've always seen the geek subsection of society as peeps that don't necessarily give a fuck about whether they're cool or not. But recently, there seems to be this big thing about geeks almost parading themselves as cool. Whether this comes as beating people up, boasting about having a huge DVD collection or bragging about quoting movies, it's just odd. I guess some of it maybe has to do with the social connotation of how geeks used to be seen, and people fighting it. I mean, it's by no means a bad thing, and in many ways, geeks are popular, but if you have a collection of 400 DVDs, you're a geek. Just accept it, and move on.

Geeks like to make such a big thing about what they do and who they are. I mean, I have over 600 DVDs, but other than my enjoyment of having lots of movies to choose from, I'm not really bothered. I don't go to bars and try and pick up girls by mentioning the size of my collection (especially since I'm attached). And yeah, I quote flicks sometimes, but I don't do it just so I can be cool or funny, it's almost a subconscious reaction. I mean, sure, everyone somewhere has a desire to be liked by someone, but it's almost becoming a running joke where geeks are trying to outcool each other. I mean, sure I'm happy as shit that I have the AKIRA tin and deleted Criterion discs, but I don't go out of my way to shout it to tons of people, although I will to those few who are interested.

I don't know if I really have a point here. Just forget about the target audience and think more about yourself. We're geeks for christ sake. We have a reputation to maintain.

Video Games

2005-10-25T01:00:00.000+01:00

I guess now I've redone the whole blog, I feel I have to post loads now, especially since I've been slacking for a while. Oh well. I've got into video games a bit more recently. Well, sort of. I have such a heavy schedule with college and work and movies and writing, and especially my social life, because if you're going to make me choose between seeing my girlfriend and playing my Xbox, well folks, the big black box is going lose out every time.

I've found a little bit of time to play, mostly late at night, although my girlfriend let me play for five minutes when she was here the other day. That makes me sound way under the thumb, but it's not that, there's just nothing more boring than watching someone else play a video game, and I'd much rather spend our quality time doing more important things. I borrowed JUICED from my sister's boyfriend, which is kind of a Fast and the Furious-style racing game. You know the type, get a ride, fix it up with all sorts of mods and race against minority stereotypes who throw street slang at you when you bust up their phat cars, etc etc. It's a fun game, and I've gotten pretty good with it, although I made the stupid mistake of spending all my money on a car that looked hot (a Dodge Charger, proving at heart, I'm still a Dukes of Hazzard fan) only to find that it drives like shit.

After that, I picked up LEGO STAR WARS. That was pretty fun, although I don't think it was a worthwhile purchase, especially for thirty Ackbars. I mean, it's not a bad game, and it was cute in a LEGO way, but i just got bored of it pretty quickly. So I hopped down to the nearest game purveyor and traded it in (I only got six coins for it. I can't believe how much you get ripped off by trading in) for REVENGE OF THE SITH. I've been having a whale of a time with the game, despite completing it in about four and a half hours. It's been giving me good replay value, and I've played through the standard levels twice so far. There's also a cool bonus level where you play as Vader on the Death Star fighting Alec Guinness, but the best thing is the duel. It's so fun to do it, and when you beat Anakin as Obi-Wan, it unlocks a secret level where you can play as Anakin. It all goes as normal, only when he jumps over Obi-Wan, instead of having his legs cut off, he makes it and slices through him. The Emperor comes along and gives him a red lightsaber, and then he kills him and says he's going to rule the galaxy.

It's good stuff, although based on its length - and the fact that the replay value is mostly down to me being an inherent Star Wars geek - I'd only recommend it if you can get it cheap.

New Duds

2005-10-25T00:23:00.000+01:00

As you can see, I've been messing around with the look of my blog. Got bored with my old one - especially the fact that it looked like a 1970s living room - and grabbed a template from BlogSkins and spruced the place up a bit. I went with a horror theme at first, but I rejigged it completely and went for a Battlestar Galactica look, mainly because I'm obsessed with the current show, and I wanted to use the schematic thing.

It still needs work, but I think it looks okay. However, if you're viewing this through Internet Explorer, it might look a bit off to you, as I built it using Firefox. As you're in the area, you might want to check out my beautiful girlfriend's blog. There's a decided lack of posts on how great I am, but I'm sure that'll be rectified soon.

testing

2005-10-24T19:24:00.000+01:00

just testing

Showing Your Girlfriend Classic Horror...

2005-10-24T16:11:00.000+01:00

...is great. We watched SUSPIRIA this weekend, and had a great time. As Wayne Campbell once proclaimed, 'I love this woman.'

A Little Bit of Home

2005-10-20T21:13:00.000+01:00

My new look, hastily copied from Magnum, P.I. Just because of that, I'm going to buy a pet rat named "Higgins."

I thought I'd show some of you a few highlights of what the homestead looks like, by which I mean my room...

I Had A Dream...

2005-09-29T09:18:00.000+01:00

... last night where I went out on the town dressed as Pacino's Scarface, and I ran into Christian Bale who was also dressed as Scarface. But my outfit was better.

What Folks'll Do For Money

2005-09-15T18:00:00.000+01:00

Whatever happened to integrity? When did all our morality get swallowed up in a big black hole of consumerism and capitalism?

Obviously, the answer is 1982, but I'm referring more to news that Bob Dylan has decided to sell his new album exclusively through that world-famous music store chain, Starbucks. I mean, seriously, what the fuck? HMV Canada have said that they will now refuse to stock any Dylan because of it, and I have to applaud that standpoint.

I guess maybe I have a warped opinion of ol'Bobby, but I didn't think someone like him would do something like this. I read he also did the same thing with Victoria's Secret. People rag on a lot of famous people for being money whores, and I never thought I'd see someone like Dylan's name up there.

I guess everyone really does have a price.

ggg

2005-09-11T22:03:00.000+01:00

fff

A New Blog

2005-09-03T14:16:00.000+01:00

"Journal De Film"

Eyepatches Are The New Black

2005-09-01T19:17:00.000+01:00

It's time to grow up and move on. It's time to fly away from our antiquated beliefs, and embrace a new train of thought. This has been on the lips of everyone for years, but no one has been brave enough to stand up and say it. Until now.

Pirates are better than Ninjas.

The internet has long been under the stale grasp of the ninja as its mascot. Everyone immediately assumes a Ninja or two will make everything better. But let's face it: ninjas are effeminate cowardly ballet dancers. That's right. They're the katana-wielding equivalent of the French.

Pirates have no need to prance around in shadows. They pull up their boat, they throw down, and they plunder your booty until the air is echoing with nothing but Arrs. And they have stumps for legs. Stumps. STUMPS.

Pirates never made movies with Michael Dudikoff. Or David Bradley. If Sho Kosugi had played a pirate, he'd have been a six-time Oscar winner by now with a mansion in Palm Springs and nightly sessions in the comfort of Heather Locklear's vagina. But after REVENGE OF THE NINJA, all people ever say is, 'Sho who?'

Han Solo. Scientifically proven as the coolest character in celluloid history. He may have said he was a "smuggler," but we all knew his true colours. He was a fuckin' pirate, man. In THE RETURN OF THE KING, where Aragorn and his crew have to get to Minas Tirith and save the fuckin' day. They don't put on leotards and sneak across Mordor's rooftops. They go to those black ships and they get piratous on their ass. Pirates destroyed Sauron, not Ninjas.

How many movies about Ninjas did Graham Chapman make? How many women wanted to nail Johnny Depp when he was a Ninja? HOW MANY NINJAS SANG THE OPENING CREDITS OF THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE?!?

Batman. The man rarely travels outside of Gotham, and if he does, he goes by air. Why? Pirates. He's beaten countless Ninjas, but there's one thing that strikes fear into the heart of the Dark Knight. Pirates.

How many Ninjas bring you quality digital recordings of movies and records before they're officially released? Fuck, how many movies about Ninjas did Roman Polanski make?

Pirate. Nuff said.

The Hitler 'Tache

2005-08-30T21:54:00.000+01:00

Shaving is a funny experience. I just did an all over, leaving my extended 'burns, and while I was doing it, I tried to give myself a moustache, more out of curiosity than anything. I've worn a stache before, and I looked like a fat musketeer (Porthos?), especially since I had long hair, so it wasn't for me. But I've always kind of wanted one.

Maybe it's the extended viewings of Magnum, P.I. and SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT as a kid that have made me long for such a piece of facial hair, but when I did it today, I wanted to cut it a little shorter, but I cut a bit too much.

So much that I looked like The Fuhrer.

I have a theory that, through accident or just for a laugh, a lot of men do this when they shave, mostly because it's such a notorious example of a lipslug, although when I do it I look scarily like my dad, who as far as I know, didn't slaughter any Jewish people.

It's funny though. I remember the first time I shaved my head completely over. I didn't just shave it straight, but instead cut it into a few weird styles - including the Tintin, a popular hairstyle at the time which, well, made you look like Herge's famous Belgian explorer - before doing the full cut. But who knows how many people have done the Hitler when shaving.

Have you?

Saturday Purchasing IV

2005-08-27T18:02:00.000+01:00

Russ Meyer

2005-08-27T13:43:00.000+01:00

I like tits as much as the next guy, but I've never been able to get into his movies. Am I missing something here?

Me, Me, Me

2005-08-25T17:47:00.000+01:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Charlie
Birthday:	August 11, 1978
Birthplace:	Boston, UK
Current Location:	Bristol, UK
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	6'3"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	English
The Shoes You Wore Today:	My work shoes. They suck.
Your Weakness:	Brunettes
Your Fears:	Suffocation
Your Perfect Pizza:	Bacon
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	To make a movie over ten minutes
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	WTF?
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Need cancer stick
Your Best Physical Feature:	My eyes
Your Bedtime:	2am
Your Most Missed Memory:	The ex
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	BK I guess
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Fuck that shit
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Coffee sucks
Do you Smoke:	Oh yes
Do you Swear:	Oh yes
Do you Sing:	Oh yes
Do you Shower Daily:	Oh yes
Have you Been in Love:	Oh yes
Do you want to go to College:	Already am
Do you want to get Married:	Yes
Do you belive in yourself:	Yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No
Do you think you are Attractive:	Yes
Are you a Health Freak:	No
Do you get along with your Parents:	Yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes
Do you play an Instrument:	If you can call it that
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	No
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	No
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	No
Ever been Drunk:	No
Ever been called a Tease:	No
Ever been Beaten up:	No
Ever Shoplifted:	No
How do you want to Die:	Shark attack
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Batman
What country would you most like to Visit:	New Zealand
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue
Favourite Hair Color:	Black/Brown
Short or Long Hair:	Short
Height:	Short
Weight:	I dunno... curvy, a little chubby sometimes
Best Clothing Style:	My jeans, Spider-Man T-shirt and my leather jacket
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Too many to list
Number of CDs I own:	Around 350, but over 600 DVDs
Number of Piercings:	None
Number of Tattoos:	None
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	One
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Frank Miller's SIN CITY (2005)

2005-08-22T23:56:00.000+01:00

I'll get this out of the way first: I love the Sin City books, and I dig Frank Miller as a whole, except for that nasty Dark Knight Strikes Back business. So once again, this is something where I'm in some way connected with the source material.

SIN CITY is stunning to look at. It truly is two hours of comic book panels come to life. It doesn't look like cheap DV cam footage, which is what the low-res preview stuff I saw looked like. Bluescreen has always been a hard thing to pull off, so I'm always wary about entire movies that are made of it. SIN CITY pulls it off in a way something like SKY CAPTAIN didn't, at least for me. Maybe cause I was drawn in more by the story and the characters, I don't know. Giant robots and sky fortresses and that great pair of tits named Angelina Jolie should have been a done deal, but it just wasn't to be.

However, SIN CITY works. I'd be lying if I said it works perfectly all the time, but it works most of the time, and most of it is good enough to make me forgive the rest. It's strange watching a movie where you know absolutely everything that is going to happen. I mean, every book or comic adaptation usually has a little creative licencing somewhere, but SIN CITY is word for word, and panel for panel. But it's an intriguing experiment.

Probably the most successful part about the film is the casting. Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Nick Stahl. Even Clive Owen, whose weird anglo-american accent I was wary about, pulled it off. I'm not sure Elijah Wood was the best choice for Kevin, although I think there's something about LOTR that maybe figures into that. It's just so hard looking into those eyes and not seeing Frodo Baggins.

The story's set into three parts, adapted from 'The Hard Goodbye,' 'The Big Fat Kill' and 'That Yellow Bastard,' each of which cross into each other. It's in no way chronological, and it's better that way. I think TBFK was my favourite. TYB has always been my favourite of the books, but the combination of Clive Owen, Rosario Dawson, Benicio Del Toro and others, together with that amazing final sequence of all the girls on the roof, it just blew me away.

There are a few problems. There are a few times where the dialogue slightly grates, where I think it's been such literally translated that, while it works on the page, it doesn't necessarily work on screen. And Michael Madsen is pretty bad, but he isn't in it for long. Also, it's kind of weird seeing Hartigan use RoboCop's gun.

Overall, I dug the fuck out of it. I'm a whore for black and white and beautiful women, and I adore the source material. I just hope RR doesn't get any bright ideas about adapting DK2.

Top 10, 2005

2005-08-21T20:55:00.000+01:00

It seems everyone's doing their lists for the best films of the year now summer's coming to a close, and while I'd like to do the same, I've only seen two 2005 movies this year (for a film student, I suck) and both weren't exactly great movies. So I'll make a compromise, and do the top ten movies I've liked the most that I've seen this year.

1. THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU
2. THE INCREDIBLES
3. A TALE OF TWO SISTERS
4. THE RULES OF THE GAME
5. DOG DAY AFTERNOON
6. BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA
7. THIEF
8. THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE
9. REVENGE OF THE SITH
10. BATMAN BEGINS

A Couple of Things

2005-08-20T00:37:00.000+01:00

- Star Wars: Battlefront is insanely addictive, so much that I'm considering becoming a full-time Imperial Shock Trooper.

- BLADE RUNNER is probably the best sci-fi movie known to man.

- I still haven't watched I <3 HUCKABEES.

- Hospitals suck.

24 = Awful

2005-08-13T20:15:00.000+01:00

And supplying Lou Diamond Phillips with work. Who knew?

Thursday's Gone

2005-08-13T01:35:00.000+01:00

I hit the sales today with birthday money, and picked up a few things, including the soundtrack to THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU (review coming soon), the special edition of HEAT, and the following two movies, one of which was an unseen purchase, the other an old favourite I hadn't seen in a while.

ZOOLANDER (2001)

This was an odd one. I'd heard a lot about it, mostly that it was banned in Malaysia, but I didn't know what to think. I'll be perfectly honest, I think Ben Stiller is getting to the point of overkill. Don't get me wrong, he can be amazingly funny, but I don't think he's consistently funny enough, and I seem to prefer him in the smaller stuff like MYSTERY MEN or his cameo in ANCHORMAN. I watched THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY recently, and despite Keith David, Chris Elliott, Lee Evans' and Brett Fav... re's combined efforts, it was pretty dire.

ZOOLANDER took a while to get going, but it was worth it in the end. I think it's somewhat of a Jekyll and Hyde picture - some stuff had me pissing myself, while others didn't even make me break a smile. It was mostly Will Ferrell's stuff that I didn't find funny. I don't know why, he was ace in ANCHORMAN, but here, I just couldn't laugh at him at all. The funniest stuff was jokes made at Derek's expense, and Jon Voight was pretty damn funny, although I'm curious if it was makeup or not that made him look so bad. But the star of the show for me was Owen Wilson, which is interesting, because I'm not usually that big a fan of his. But I think his dumb blonde naivety worked perfectly here, and he was really good. The iMac scene especially, doing the whole 2001 thing, was hilarious. I'd probably mark it 7/10. If it was as good in the first half as the second, it'd probably get an 8.5 or possibly 9, but it just didn't do it for me that much, at least not on the first viewing.

DAZED AND CONFUSED (1993)

I can't really remember the first time I saw Richard Linklater's DAZED AND CONFUSED, but it was roughly around 95 or 96. What stood out to me then was the great soundtrack, and the fact that these people seemed to do pretty much the same stuff we did around that time, i.e. drive around, drink beer and get high. But after seeing it again and again, it hit a different chord, and I can really see it now for the great piece it really is.

It really seems to capture the 70s post-Nam disillusionment well, but I think this could be a great movie if it was set in any era. The time period is just a backdrop for themes that - allow me to get pretentious for a sec - resonate, and have done for a long time, and probably will do in the future. There's everything - the rebel trying to live up to his own code and not be forced into signing bullshit rules from his coach, the young kid who takes a beating from the seniors but then gets inducted into their social group and by the end is one of them, the older guy who still hangs around with the younger kids, the dumb stoner, the whole initiation senior/freshman deal, especially with the girls, the disillusioned kids who have no idea what their future is, the asshole neanderthal who is just there to kick ass and drink beer.

It's really well-written, with all of the different strands of the characters, of which I guess there are like twenty, all gelling amazingly well. It's quotable dialogue, for sure, but it all sounds pretty natural, and doesn't sound written. The acting is pretty great across the board, and you never think 'Oh, that's Matthew McConaughey,' or 'Hey, it's the lesbian from CHASING AMY.' No one besides those two or Milla Jovovich seem to have done anything of note after, either. Oh well.

The music is also amazing, especially in its use. I always think of the best times that I can remember what I was listening to at the time like it was yesterday, and this works in the same way. I wonder if there would be any possibility of a sequel, to see what these kids did in the 80s or even 90s, and whether they ever broke free from their dissillusionment and rebellion and who they would be at this time.

I'd like to see that.

One Year Older

2005-08-10T22:37:00.000+01:00

I thought I should post here... don't seem to have done it for a while.

In just under an hour and a half, I'll be twenty-seven. I haven't really thought about it much, but now that it's impending, it's really starting to dawn on me. I dunno, I've never been that bothered about my age. In spite of a couple of things, I have a pretty sound life right now. I'm doing my best to live out the whole filmmaking dream thing. Yet I feel like Kirk making a log entry during STAR TREK II. Like life and time is slowly dripping away.

I guess with everything that's happened in the past year, the overwhelming mantra is to make sure I make the best of my life, which I'm trying to do as much as possible. Who knows. And as long as an English town called Cockfosters still exists, I can be happy.

Oh yeah: The Black-Eyed Peas are shit. And it's hilarious that chick pissed herself on stage.

...

2005-07-26T10:58:00.000+01:00

Rob: Right. But let's just say that I hadn't seen it. And I said, "I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet." What would you think?
Barry: I'd think that you're a cinematic idiot and I'd feel sorry for you.

Saturday Purchasing III

2005-07-16T22:54:00.000+01:00