Thursday, September 29, 2005
I Had A Dream...
... last night where I went out on the town dressed as Pacino's Scarface, and I ran into Christian Bale who was also dressed as Scarface. But my outfit was better.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
What Folks'll Do For Money
Whatever happened to integrity? When did all our morality get swallowed up in a big black hole of consumerism and capitalism?
Obviously, the answer is 1982, but I'm referring more to news that Bob Dylan has decided to sell his new album exclusively through that world-famous music store chain, Starbucks. I mean, seriously, what the fuck? HMV Canada have said that they will now refuse to stock any Dylan because of it, and I have to applaud that standpoint.
I guess maybe I have a warped opinion of ol'Bobby, but I didn't think someone like him would do something like this. I read he also did the same thing with Victoria's Secret. People rag on a lot of famous people for being money whores, and I never thought I'd see someone like Dylan's name up there.
I guess everyone really does have a price.
Obviously, the answer is 1982, but I'm referring more to news that Bob Dylan has decided to sell his new album exclusively through that world-famous music store chain, Starbucks. I mean, seriously, what the fuck? HMV Canada have said that they will now refuse to stock any Dylan because of it, and I have to applaud that standpoint.
I guess maybe I have a warped opinion of ol'Bobby, but I didn't think someone like him would do something like this. I read he also did the same thing with Victoria's Secret. People rag on a lot of famous people for being money whores, and I never thought I'd see someone like Dylan's name up there.
I guess everyone really does have a price.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Eyepatches Are The New Black
It's time to grow up and move on. It's time to fly away from our antiquated beliefs, and embrace a new train of thought. This has been on the lips of everyone for years, but no one has been brave enough to stand up and say it. Until now.
Pirates are better than Ninjas.
The internet has long been under the stale grasp of the ninja as its mascot. Everyone immediately assumes a Ninja or two will make everything better. But let's face it: ninjas are effeminate cowardly ballet dancers. That's right. They're the katana-wielding equivalent of the French.
Pirates have no need to prance around in shadows. They pull up their boat, they throw down, and they plunder your booty until the air is echoing with nothing but Arrs. And they have stumps for legs. Stumps. STUMPS.
Pirates never made movies with Michael Dudikoff. Or David Bradley. If Sho Kosugi had played a pirate, he'd have been a six-time Oscar winner by now with a mansion in Palm Springs and nightly sessions in the comfort of Heather Locklear's vagina. But after REVENGE OF THE NINJA, all people ever say is, 'Sho who?'
Han Solo. Scientifically proven as the coolest character in celluloid history. He may have said he was a "smuggler," but we all knew his true colours. He was a fuckin' pirate, man. In THE RETURN OF THE KING, where Aragorn and his crew have to get to Minas Tirith and save the fuckin' day. They don't put on leotards and sneak across Mordor's rooftops. They go to those black ships and they get piratous on their ass. Pirates destroyed Sauron, not Ninjas.
How many movies about Ninjas did Graham Chapman make? How many women wanted to nail Johnny Depp when he was a Ninja? HOW MANY NINJAS SANG THE OPENING CREDITS OF THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE?!?
Batman. The man rarely travels outside of Gotham, and if he does, he goes by air. Why? Pirates. He's beaten countless Ninjas, but there's one thing that strikes fear into the heart of the Dark Knight. Pirates.
How many Ninjas bring you quality digital recordings of movies and records before they're officially released? Fuck, how many movies about Ninjas did Roman Polanski make?
Pirate. Nuff said.
Pirates are better than Ninjas.
The internet has long been under the stale grasp of the ninja as its mascot. Everyone immediately assumes a Ninja or two will make everything better. But let's face it: ninjas are effeminate cowardly ballet dancers. That's right. They're the katana-wielding equivalent of the French.
Pirates have no need to prance around in shadows. They pull up their boat, they throw down, and they plunder your booty until the air is echoing with nothing but Arrs. And they have stumps for legs. Stumps. STUMPS.
Pirates never made movies with Michael Dudikoff. Or David Bradley. If Sho Kosugi had played a pirate, he'd have been a six-time Oscar winner by now with a mansion in Palm Springs and nightly sessions in the comfort of Heather Locklear's vagina. But after REVENGE OF THE NINJA, all people ever say is, 'Sho who?'
Han Solo. Scientifically proven as the coolest character in celluloid history. He may have said he was a "smuggler," but we all knew his true colours. He was a fuckin' pirate, man. In THE RETURN OF THE KING, where Aragorn and his crew have to get to Minas Tirith and save the fuckin' day. They don't put on leotards and sneak across Mordor's rooftops. They go to those black ships and they get piratous on their ass. Pirates destroyed Sauron, not Ninjas.
How many movies about Ninjas did Graham Chapman make? How many women wanted to nail Johnny Depp when he was a Ninja? HOW MANY NINJAS SANG THE OPENING CREDITS OF THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE?!?
Batman. The man rarely travels outside of Gotham, and if he does, he goes by air. Why? Pirates. He's beaten countless Ninjas, but there's one thing that strikes fear into the heart of the Dark Knight. Pirates.
How many Ninjas bring you quality digital recordings of movies and records before they're officially released? Fuck, how many movies about Ninjas did Roman Polanski make?
Pirate. Nuff said.
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