Panic In The Homes of Bristol

Five minutes ago, I was shaking, my heart was beating fast, and I was hyper-ventilating. Scared to the point of tears. This was all due to a stupid fucking panic attack.

I don't know if I can medically call them panic attacks, but it feels like it fits the best. Panic attacks, anxiety, being shit-scared. Whatever. Basically the story runs from August 2003, where my house was broken into while I was in it. I had a fight with the dude and essentially kicked his ass outta there, but I was left with emotional trauma, so much so that I never spent another night in the place, and even in broad daylight, I found it hard to spend time there.

Ever since that, I've had major insomnia. I've found it so hard to get to sleep, and any little noise at night will irk me. Consequently, the only time I haven't really felt it was when I was with my girlfriend, and we were sleeping together. Maybe there's a little isolation fear thrown in there too. I've done some counselling, although I've tried to steer off drugs, prescribed or otherwise because I've never wanted to go down that route. It's funny, because I nearly just had another one because someone upstairs walked into another room.

So here I was, sitting at the computer when I hear some pounding, on the ground outside the window it seems, but it sounded like it was against the wall. I stop what I'm doing, turn the music down, and hear people talking. This sends me into overdrive. I walk into my room, into darkness because I'm too afraid to turn on the light, and listen to the noises. Then I walk back into the hall and see my dad up, looking out of his window. He mumbles something about a police car and strolls outside in his PJs, leaving me here trying to control my heart's BPM rate from numbering in the thousands.

I look out the window, see a faint blue flashing light, then go back and sit down. My dad comes in, says there's a fire engine outside because someone set a car on fire. Great. This ties into my byline up at the top about wanting to escape from Bristol, or at least this part, because it's fucking horrible. So I don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight, and I'm still breathing like Darth Vader.

I don't go into personal life outside of culture here, but I just felt like it was something I wanted to write down.

I say!

Good lord, the internet is fucking boring.

Surely there's something exciting out there that'll stop me from having to seek enthrallment outside where the crackheads hang out?

Just Let It Die

I'd like to congratulate the internet. It's made me do something I thought no one could ever make me do, and as such, I feel like making a nice little certificate that it can proudly hang on its office wall, to show all the people that walk past what a great job it's done.

It's made me start to hate Star Wars.

I have no real issues with the films. I accept that the prequel trilogy is at sometimes ludicrously bad, but occasionally gets to the heights of near-greatness. I don't have any issues with the way the prequels reflect on the original trilogy, and I have the ability to watch the original movies without thinking 'Oh no, he's going to whine about sand!' every time we see Darth Vader. If you can't watch those movies and not think about Jar Jar Binks, maybe you should look at yourself, as opposed to the movies. I don't watch THE WRATH OF KHAN and think of space pajamas and Frank Gorshin in black and white makeup thus destroying my viewing. It just doesn't happen.

But for a long time, people have discussed SW on the internet, and squeezed every little bit of enthusiasm and enjoyment I ever had for SW discourse out of it. I spend 90% of my time posting at CHUD, and that place alone has done a great job of strangling my once huge enthusiasm about it. Now I'm not going to go on a rant about it just being "haters" or whatever. There are a ton of people involved in this, from the "fans" to the "haters" to people who have grudges, trolls on both sides, sheep in general, and just plain morons.

I dunno. I mean, SW itself certainly has a part to play. The whole prequel deal hasn't exactly sold me on the saga as a whole. But it just, I dunno, it really gets me. People's shortsightedness, and people's willingness to get angry and personal at the drop of a hat just to prove a point about some stupid fucking movie. I don't care. I really don't. Which is why I don't want a TV series. I don't want any more books, or toys, or cookie jars, or fast food toys. I'm sure there's a lot of other stuff that comes into it, including my view of SW and I guess how it's been tainted, but the way everything involved has been scrutinized and criticised and overloved into oblivion, it's just left a bad taste in my mouth, which has been reinforced by REVENGE OF THE SITH and my absolute lack of caring for that.

Just let it fucking die.

Something To Live For

I just did my first couple of audio commentaries today, for my film CATHARSIS and my music video project. It was so damn fun, and I tried to stop myself from bitching as much as possible. But I love it, and I'll have to do one for my promo video sometime, which was just finished today. I'm not sure if I want to do one for GIVIN' UP, as it's so personal, I kinda just want it to stand for itself. Who knows. I shot the final scene for that today, as I went back and totally re-edited it, and added a new soundtrack (by CHUD's own Andrew Clarke) which works wonderfully. So I'll probably finish the new cut tomorrow, review it and make any necessary changes.

It's nice to be productive again.

*the entry title doesn't have much relevance beyond being inspirational again, but is mostly just a random title taken from the album of the same name by Ella Fitzgerald.

XBox Marks The Spot

Yawn. I've been a bit less lethargic today, although I got up at like twelve, because I didn't get off the phone with my friend til like 5.30am. Anyone else I'd be clambering to catch some Z's, but she's awesome, so I have no problem staying up to all hours of the morning for her. So I got up, and then my sister arrived, which was cool until she started discussing financial stuff, which always depresses me, especially since I have no money whatsoever.

The good thing about her coming here was that she brought my XBox lead back, which I'd lent to her because it has a 5.1 optical connection on it. Now that I have it back, I've actually been playing video games! Shocking, I know. I blasted on OutRun 2 for a bit, which is easy brainless fun, then started up on Rainbow Six 3, a game I've had since February 2004 when I bought it (a present to myself to cheer me up after my girlfriend dumped me) but which I'd never actually played. Until now. And it's great. Your usual squad-based anti-terrorist counter-strike deal, although unlike SOCOM, which was the last one of these I got addicted to, it's an FPS, which is good cause I dislike the third-person view. It's a rocking game, but it's pretty tough while I'm getting used to it, and so far, I keep getting nailed. But what the hell, it's fun.

Fuck, I Don't Know

Man, it's been such a lazy day. Granted, I didn't get to sleep until around four, but still, I've felt so fucking lethargic and unmotivated. I haven't written anything script-wise in a while, so I really should get off my ass and write something, but I just can't seem to be able to do it. I dunno, I think I need to just get some fresh air somewhere. I haven't been out in any recreational way for god knows how long, maybe a couple of months, and I feel like I'm suffocating. Trouble is, I don't seem to have anyone to hang out with at the moment. The normal people I go out with seem to have faded into the background, so jeez, I dunno.

I started watching RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II earlier, and switched it off maybe twenty minutes in, as it's fucking ludicrously bad. It seems a lot of us do try and have this affinity for 80s action movies, terrible as some of them are, but even on a novelty level, I just couldn't bear to watch any more. What a load of pants. So I meandered for a bit and watched FLASH GORDON. Which, like RAMBO, is crap, but unlike it, is totally fun to watch.

I'm also very bored of Star Wars talk. Now SITH has arrived, everyone seems content to pick every little element to bits, and it's getting dull very quickly, as well as attracting the usual 'I know better than everything else, just in case you didn't know' posters. I love SW and all, and ROTS had a lot of problems, but I just don't care anymore.

Sans-Dejection

Funny how things work. I saw it again at 9am this morning, and after all that about not wanting to go and stuff... I enjoyed the fuck out of it. The jarring stuff still felt jarring, but at least I knew it was coming, and the stuff I wasn't sure about before really kicked me into gear. THE DUEL particularly, which I love, especially when they're vertically fighting. Obi-Wan's end speech to Anakin is amazingly delivered, and there's a lot of power there.

It's certainly not what it could have been, but for what it is, I've learned to accept the highs a little more than just rejecting the lows, and now I really want to see it again. Oh, and I saw the Millennium Falcon this time.

Dejected

You know, when I was preparing earlier, I made the below picture, as a final goodbye to the saga and something which I had meant to post as soon as I got back and started to write this entry.



This is the end. The goodbye. But yet, the ending of something that has stood with me all my life has not got me feeling this way. The passing of an age, to speak Tolkienesque for a second, is not what right now sets my mood. To sum it up right now, in visual terms, I feel like this.



I guess I should start with the disclaimer that this was a midnight show. I suppose that's usually meant to excuse the fact that you liked a movie way more than you should, like with AOTC. But not this time. I have to say, the atmosphere was shit. I mean you had the clapping during the opening and closing titles, but it was just dead during the film. I don't know if that sums up the film, or if it's because British people are pretty repressive, and don't usually take to going nuts, even if they have just lined up for four hours to see a movie in the early hours of the morning.

But, I dunno. I just don't fucking know. It all went so fast. There was a lot I loved. I guess I should try and list that first.

- the space battle. I got vertigo and knots in my stomach.
- the Tusken cry when Palpatine mentions Anakin's mother and the Sand People.
- the alarm noise from the Death Star in JEDI when the big Mustafar arm thing crashed
- THE DUEL
- Yoda vs Sidious
- Anakin and Padme's scenes
- the ending, especially the Whale-esque 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!'
- the Jedi Temple raid (idiot child performance not withstanding)
- Squid Lake
- Most of Palpatine's scenes
- Anakin and Obi-Wan's banter
- Artoo
- Order 66 montage
- the acting
- Palpatine's tender moment on Mustafar

Now. Here's the stuff I didn't like/hated.

- There was so little time to breath
- Some of Palpatine's moments were godawful
- Samuel L. Jackson
- the "Turning" scene
- the Mace/Palpatine fight
- No Qui-Gon

This is what baffles me. I loved a lot more than I hated. But perhaps that is why. There was so much good in the film, way more than before, but it's balanced by some awful shit, that it's just fucking infuriating. I was never bored by it, but I hated being moved to tears at one point, then stifling laughter at another. I mean, christ. This is what pisses me off. Because of George starting with EPISODE I, it put the series at a disadvantage that it just couldn't overcome. He had to wrap up everything stupidly quickly, and because of this, it's so rushed. This movie needed time to breath, time to take things at a steady pace and slowly build as it got darker and darker. But it never got it.

Some of the Palpatine stuff was amazing, and yet some of his lines, especially when Mace is nailing him, was just fucking awful. The fight itself was dull. And the ensuing scene of Anakin's turn... jesus fucking christ George. As a contrast, I loved the two end duels. I loved Palpatine's moment on Mustafar when he tenderly laid a hand on Anakin's forehead. I loved Padme's speech on Mustafar. I loved the final exchange as Anakin burned and Obi-Wan watched. It had the power. It had the emotion. I loved the Vader scene. I loved that he took baby steps, and the amazing Universal James Whale atmosphere it had. I loved feeling like I was on a rollercoaster with that opening shot as the Jedi fighters zoomed around, and the pull down to see the mass battle.

Grievous was a non-entity. I'm pretty apathetic about him. The Utapau stuff was pretty forgettable. But the stuff on the Invisible Hand was great. This is the banter, the friendship, the brotherhood that we needed to see to payoff what came later. And while it still worked, it was too little too late as a whole. I think it's only as we see what's transpired here is that we see what this really could have been. Christ, I don't know. I'm seeing it again tomorrow, with my father. I don't know if I'll be a little more receptive to some parts, I don't know if I might be able to take it in a bit better.

But right now, I feel dejected.

Five Hours and Counting

Well. It's nearly time.

It seems like a couple of weeks ago, I almost wanted this to end. I was tired. Then all the buzz flowed in, I saw more TV spots, and now I'm upset it's nearly over. And it is. Despite the TV series, this is the end of it.

I'll say no more. Just that I'll be back sometime in the next twenty-four hours with my initial thoughts.

This Will Be A Day Long Remembered

You know, it's finally starting to sink in. In little under four days, the thing that I've been maniacally theorizing, discussing and arguing about for years about will finally hit. Of course, I'm talking about REVENGE OF THE SITH.

I've tried to keep myself tempered. I've read reviews. I've thought back to THE PHANTOM MENACE and ATTACK OF THE CLONES and their disappointment, and I've read a ton of message board posts on different sites from people who've seen it. But now it's approaching, now it's finally here, there's only one phrase I can use to describe myself right now.

Fucking giddy.

I've been listening to the amazing soundtrack non-stop. I've read the transcript of Ebert's show, where he gave it a thumbs up (which I'm pretty encouraged by). I've been watching the TV spots over and over - the "End of Wars" one is greatness. But there's one thing about this that's made me really happy. The fact that I'll be seeing it with my father.

It's kind of a circle-is-now-complete deal. My father was the one who originally showed me THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK in 1982 after he had got it on pirate video from a friend. Both my first film and my first introduction to Star Wars beyond a few toys, the film blew my mind as a child, and still blows my mind as an adult. It's funny, cause I didn't even think about it, and I had already bought two tickets, one for the midnight premiere, one for 9am Thursday morning. So yesterday, my dad says to me, 'If you want, I'll take you up to get your Star Wars tickets.' My reply was, 'I already have them.' He was surprised, and then we chatted, and we worked it out so he could come to the 9am showing.

So yeah, I'm dead happy with this. There's a tinge of sadness that my mother won't be able to see it, as she loved Star Wars, and always used to enjoy watching it with me, but as always, she'll be there with me in spirit. And my father and I will sit down, chow down on some popcorn and see the end of an era - both in movie and personal history - come to a close.

MONSTERFEST: ALLIGATOR II (1991)

I'm always amazed by Anchor Bay. Where the bigger studios usually supply the lesser DVD releases (i.e. the back catalogue) with 2.0 Dolby Surround at best, the 'bay will give the cheapest and most unassuming genre flick a DTS ES soundtrack, as witnessed by the second disc on the ALLIGATOR special edition, which contains this work of art.



ALLIGATOR II: THE MUTATION (1991)

If ALLIGATOR was an example of how to make a good honest-to-god fun monster movie, ALLIGATOR II is a perfect example of how not to make one. Don't get me wrong, it's entertaining, but in the opposite way to the first picture. My friends, this is SHARK ATTACK II cinema. So incompetant, so badly made in every way, yet entertaining in its ineptness. It's DTV, so you're never going to expect much. But oh my god. Probably the best way to sum this film up is that it rips off JAWS 3-D.

Like 90% of post-JAWS rip-offs, ALLIGATOR II has all the standard cliched ingredients you'd expect from this type of movie. Let's go through them:

- Renegade Cop playing against the rules with marital issues.

- Hard-assed chief who always barks orders at renegade cop but still gets him rocket launchers.

- Corrupt owner of water-based park who will do anything to make his big day of fun that the whole town will attend happen without a hitch.

- Corrupt mayor who won't listen to police.

- Old homeless men destined to get eaten.

- Rookie Cop who doesn't get along with renegade cop.

- Badly made rubber model of evil bastard creature.

- Fisherman diving late at night.

- Rugged monster hunter and his crew of badasses.

- Richard Lynch!

Renegade Cop is of course the central character. He's played by Joseph Bologna, at age fifty-seven no less! He's having trouble with his wife and kid, where he never seems to see them because of his job. He hates partners and has a love/hate relationship with his chief. Rookie Cop is a lame-ass, who nobody likes. Despite this, he's able to immediately pick up the hot mayor's daughter with the most astonishing chat-up lines ever.

"Do you like your pants tight?"
"What?"
"Your pants are real right and they show that, well, you have a great rear backyard."

A great rear backyard. Remind me to try that one the next time I'm on the pull. Still, it works, either because she's a nymphomaniac with no standards or there are zero decent men in the town, which incidentally seems to be populated with about thirty people. After this, Rookie Cop is partnered with Renegade Cop, whose wife just happens to coincidentally be an expert on alligators. However, Renegade Cop is thrown off the Force because he stepped on the toes of Corrupt Park Owner, who not only doesn't care about his patrons being eaten by large water-faring reptiles, but also is trying to foreclose on homes around the town, which makes him public enemy number two after the alligator.

What follows next is a series of vignettes as Renegade and Rookie try various methods to destroy their foe. Shotguns, dynamite, grenades, none of it works, but it's hilarious watching these two guys essentially be the Wily E. Coyote to the alligator's Roadrunner. Eventually, Corrupt Park Owner decides to bring in his own help, in the guise of Rugged Monster Hunter Richard Lynch, who subsequently displays the worst southern accent you will ever hear in your life. Lynch is used to being in awful movies, and has been seen in everything from PUPPET MASTER III to GALACTICA 1980, but not much can come close to this. Check out his choice dialogue.

"It's my show now, Bubba."
"It didn't blow up, dude."
"I'm gonna git me a gator."

Along for the ride in his hard-assed commando group is four-time Jason Voorhees, Kane Hodder, who also gets some choice lines to say as he attempts to be Blaine from PREDATOR. Luckily, when he says something hard and edgy in Spanish, we get a handy translation from Lynch.

Hodder: Deje el buen rodillo de las épocas.
Lynch, Yeah buddy, let the good times roll.

Awesome! Unfortunately, they both die. A shame, I know. But thankfully, so does Corrupt Park Owner, right after he kills hard-assed chief by ramming his car off the road, so he gets his comeuppance for everything. Shit, he's a worse guy than the alligator, which, by the way, few people ever question, and when they do, all Renegade Cop says is 'I didn't believe it at first either,' and then it's automatically swallowed, especially because of estranged wife - played by genre favourite Dee Wallace Stone - and her chemical research, which allows her to make a great riff on Dreyfuss' JAWS speech.

"What this is is a machine. A thing."

Of course, despite Stone being a fine actress in most things, here it's delivered with all the panache and believeability of Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl. On the whole, the acting is as lifeless as the big rubber alligator, which usually changes size depending on what it has to do, especially since they also use some footage from the first movie. It's also another case of misleading cover art, as the original video cover made the creature out to be absolutely giant, instead of just pretty darn big. The picture's also peppered with the kind of stupid humour most movies of this type contain, trying to add a lighter tone but just giving the impression that we're watching a dumb comedy.

ALLIGATOR II is not a good picture. It's absolutely dire. It's entertaining, yes, but it's so, so dire. But, like with a lot of these movies, there's one or two lines of dialogue that makes it all worthwhile. So I'll leave you with this nugget of Mamet-esque speech, as read by the homeless man attacked while eating beans over a petrol drum fire.

'Otis was my friend, David. He didn't deserve to be a toothpick.'

MONSTERFEST: ALLIGATOR (1980)

Well, it's Friday the 13th, and nothing bad's happened yet, which is greatness. Otherwise, it's been a really dull day. However, I'm trying to spice my weekend up by watching as many monster movies as I can. First up today was this little piece of genius from the beginning of the 80s.



ALLIGATOR (1980)

ALLIGATOR is a fun B-movie riff on the urban myths of baby alligators that get flushed down toilets and end up in the sewers, only to grow to huge lengths. However, this isn't anything like Tobe Hooper's CROCODILE, it's more along the lines of Joe Dante's PIRANHA, which is fitting, because they're both written by the same guy, John Sayles. Like PIRANHA, Sayles wrote a script that took the scary fun of JAWS but also a lot of tongue-in-cheek humour that permeates the piece and gives it a really nice balance, and just makes it stupidly fun.

Helix mentioned to me the other day that this movie has a monopoly on floating limbs, and it really does. The amount of shots of a foam latex leg just sitting on the water is insane. The script allows for the usual cliches, but again, has fun with them. Robert Forster is a cop with a demon from the past, in this case a dead partner, and Robin Riker is the hot spunky herpotologist, i.e. lizard scientist. There's the curmudgeonly old police chief, corrupt mayor, and the pharmaceutical company who accidentally made the title creature huge after dumping dogs in the sewer. These dogs had been injected with a serum that doubled their size, in an attempt to cure world hunger supposedly (Leo G. Carroll had the same idea in Universal's 1955 big bug classic TARANTULA!), so the alligator ate them and injested the serum, and got huge. Top that off with a freakishly high metabolism, and you have an eating machine.

There are loads of fun bits. People being stalked in sewers, entire wedding parties being eaten, a kid being chewed up in a pool (how often do you see that?), and Henry Silva! You might remember him as the slimy Kane in the 70s remix of BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY or as the host of 'Bullshit or Not?' in AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON. He's ace here, and eats up the screen, especially for the short time he's in it. Forster is good through the whole flick, and Riker is damn hot, and even goes out of her way to stop studying lizards for a second and give us some fine breastage.

The alligator itself is a mix between a baby alligator on miniature sets and a huge animatronic thing. It works pretty well, because supposedly baby alligators are still correctly proportioned as when they're adults, although I'm sure the jaws of the puppet were a bit longer. It also gets a reasonable amount of screen time, but like in JAWS, you only see the occasional body part, so we're given POVs and shadows most of the time. But it works well.

It's a shame, because I just read Roger Ebert's review, and sadly, I don't think he got the picture. I think he took it seriously, which is crazy. Then again, he did the same with THE HOWLING, another Sayles-scribed picture. ALLIGATOR is definitely tongue-in-cheek. Like PIRANHA, it lets you know it's ripping off JAWS rather than trying to make you think it isn't, and it has all sorts of comedy scenes, and at the end of the film, you see the words 'HARRY LIME LIVES' graffiti'd on the sewer wall, a reference to the 40s classic noir THE THIRD MAN. I doubt you'd see that in a serious picture, not the way it's presented here, not as a background joke but right in front of us.

It's what I love about this film - and PIRANHA. It's never afraid to show what it is, and never ashamed to be a genre picture, and because of that freedom of just accepting its existence as a horror flick, it's able to let loose in every way it needs to. Which is something that doesn't happen way as often as it should.

A Lazy Dog-Dangling Day

Man, it's been a dull day today. I'm trying to write at least one entry a day, so it's a matter of really coming up with stuff to write about, to make sure I'm constantly writing, even if it's blog entries. College was okay I guess, although my friend and I cut a trailer for our first movie, CATHARSIS, which was hilarious as we completely stilton'd it up. This is the intro:

EXT. WOODS - MAN CHASING OTHER MAN THROUGH WOODS

BLACK, CAPTION: in a world of corruption...

INT. HOUSE - MAN PUNCHES OTHER MAN

BLACK, CAPTION: one man will fight for justice...

INT. HOUSE - MAN TAKES A DRINK

BLACK, CAPTION: a lone crusader known only as CHARLES GREY

Cue Alice in Chains' 'Them Bones' cut to lots of slow-motion action, ending with a gunshot and the title. So, so funny. It'll be up on my online portfolio when it goes live, so you can see it then.

I'm also starting to rewrite my zombie script, originally titled ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE although, as much as I like that name in a shlock way, I think I'm gonna change it. In any case, I have the various drafts and a ton of index cards, and I'm going to restructure the narrative to make it more interesting, cause it's a bit dull. In any case, I've not been that interested in it to a while, so it's nice to get back onto it and get enthusiastic again.

Do I Look Like Spock To You?

Oh man, I'm tired. I had a job interview today, and I was up at 7am. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a big deal, but Monday night I had zero sleep because I had an essay to get in the next day. So I'm fucking exhausted, I come home, and I go to bed at about 10. An hour later, the phone goes, and it's my best friend, calling from Florence. Firstly, he's my best friend and he's calling from fucking Italy, so of course I'm going to talk to him. Secondly, as soon as the phone went it woke me up, so I'm not sure I was going back to sleep anyway.

We chat shit for an hour or so, and I put my head down at 12. Wide fucking awake. 12.30, I figure it's too eerily quiet, so I put some Futurama on, and watch a bit of that, then try and sleep. Nothing. Turn it off, then try and get to sleep. Nothing. I think the last time I looked at my watch it was maybe 2.30. So I wake up at 7 feeling absolutely fucked. Not the best situation to be in when you have an interview.

The interview itself went pretty damn well. I've never been hugely good at interviews, and I'm not exactly the most confident person in the world right now either, but it went cool. I'd already had two phone interviews, so we'd already got a lot of the bullshit out of the way, although I had to do a couple of tests, including one of those logical thinking tests, which I suck at. I got the practice question right, so maybe I did okay, I'm not really sure. Either way, overall I'm pretty confident.

I listened to the new Ryan Adams record today, online (you can hear the whole thing on his website). It's really good shit, as it kinda sounds more like Heartbreaker as opposed to Gold, which was a bit too I dunno, masturbatorily commercial for my tastes. I can't say there's a track on there that stands out like 'Come Pick Me Up,' but it's good musical eats.

This is Creepy...

I did this test thing at Colorgenics.com... and while I don't want to turn this into LiveJournal territory, it's eerily spot on. I mean, jeez.

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.

In spite of the fact that you believe that your hopes and ideas are realistic, it is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no-one to turn to or rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offense, but as matters stand you realize that you will have to make the best of things as they are.

You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If it's not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.

That's essentially me right now. Crazy shit.

In an aside, I watched a few Futurama episodes last night. And stayed up til' three. Can anyone beat that show? I think not.

Keeping Up With The Joneses

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE (1989)

It's weird. For a long time, it seemed that TEMPLE OF DOOM was the unwanted child of Spielberg and Lucas' trilogy, with RAIDERS being the crowning jewel and THE LAST CRUSADE being a return to form, probably because DOOM was so incredibly different and dark. I love all of them pretty equally, although RAIDERS is my favourite whenever I have to pick, but I have to say, I really love THE LAST CRUSADE.

I guess the thing about is that it is essentially the Indiana Jones equivalent of a James Bond flick. It follows the basic formula of RAIDERS, with Jones being approached to find a mystical artifact, with the Nazis also following the race, etc etc. So yeah, in that respect, it's not exactly treading new ground. But I love it all the same.

The central thing I love the most is of course Harrison Ford and Sean Connery's relationship. Their chemistry is amazing, and it really is a truly endearing journey that these characters go on, and a satisfying ending. The film certain errs more on the side of comedy, but it never goes too far, even in the case of Brody or Sallah, who I know some people think have been bastardized by the film. But let's face it, Sallah was a much bigger part of RAIDERS, and Brody was only seen in scenes in the US, and he was pretty stiff at that. I dunno, it's just really great fucking fun. The setpieces are fantastic, the opening scene with River Phoenix is wonderful, and Alison Doody is smoking hot. I just enjoy it thoroughly.



INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM (1984)

I feel the same way about TEMPLE OF DOOM, pretty much. I dig the way they went, and I know Spielberg thinks they maybe went too dark, but I don't think so. Mola Ram is a great villain, and it really takes you back to the serials these movies are based on, when they had cannibal tribes and cults and stuff like this. I also like Short Round a lot, I think he's a really endearing little character and the relationship between Jones and he really works well, especially in the campfire scene and when Indy goes all Thuggee.

Kate Capshaw... well, she's a totally different kind of character to Marion, which again is most people's problem. But she's sexy, and her screaming act is again a throwback to earlier movies. I don't find it annoying, and it's pretty funny some of the time, especially in the bug tunnel. The score is amazing, and it has my favourite opening, with the whole Busby Berkeley-Cole Porter musical sequence, which is just awesome. I dig it a lot, and while the fact it's set before RAIDERS is a little weird, I'm not anal enough to care about there being a joke about the swordsman scene in Cairo. If it was Star Wars, I probably would care more because that's a lot different, but here, it's just fun. As is the movie.

Don't Normally Do This Kind Of Thing, But...

Your #1 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #2 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

I Ain't Gay or Nothin', But Unicorns Are Cool!

LEGEND (1985)

Ridley Scott always gets a lot of flak from certain crowds for emphasizing style over substance. I mean, the man always produces amazing visuals, but I think that's a little unfair. He's such a visual director that he is able to tell the story through his visuals amazingly (BLADE RUNNER is a prime example) and I think he's so proficient in this way that many of his movies could work just as well as silent pictures.

Last night I took in LEGEND, his 1985 attempt at fantasy which was self-admittedly a cathartic exercise to prepare him for getting into 'normal' movies as opposed to the sci-fi movies (BLADE RUNNER, ALIEN) and the period drama (THE DUELLISTS) he had made before. Even as a big Scott fan (of both Ridley and Tony) I've always had a weird thing with LEGEND. There are some times when I watch it and love it, and other times when I just can't get into it. Yesterday, I really got into it. It's a sumptuous movie, but it just has a certain style of high romance and innocence that just really attracts me to it. The scenes with the unicorns are amazing, and yeah, Darkness is great too, especially Tim Curry's performance. I also appreciate the humour in it. It reminds me of THE DARK CRYSTAL in a way. I can't honestly say it's a great film, but I like it a lot. Especially the Jerry Goldsmith score on the director's cut.

I also watched the documentary on the DVD, which was a fine piece. Ridley is always great to listen to, as is Tim Curry, and it also has Rob Bottin, who I love seeing interviews with. He just always seems this big enthusiastic kid, and he's just an amazing artist. It's interesting to hear about William Hjortsberg's first draft of the screenplay, and I'd really like to read it. Ridley Scott said it was great, Rob Bottin said it was comparable to THE LORD OF THE RINGS. Supposedly it had armies of goblins and the like, but I'd love to get hold of it sometime.

21 Grams Of Unnecessary Dialogue

Ah, another day, another few movies.

THIEF - I love Michael Mann. I do. Some people slate him for style over substance, but I could watch his movies all day. I'd bought this recently, but only just got round to watching it, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. James Caan was amazing - I was impressed with how unpleasant his character was, yet you still get to root for him. I guess, in a way, it's the same as McCauley in HEAT and Vincent in COLLATERAL. You get the sense Mann is interested in those dark sides, especially with some of Miami Vice. James Belushi was good too, and I was impressed with Robert Prosky being evil-crime-boss-guy, especially since I've always been used to him as Granpa Fred in GREMLINS 2. Tuesday Weld was fine, and her acting wasn't bad either. She was probably the character I felt for most in the film.

ESCAPE FROM L.A. - Yeah, okay. It's not a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it's decent fun. Kurt Russell is great as always, that chick from My So Called Life was hot, and Buscemi and Cliff Robertson are both fine. Stacy Keach does a bad impression of Lee Van Cleef from EFNY, and George Corraface sucks, but it's fun stuff. And hey, Peter Fonda and one of my favourite Tool songs.

21 GRAMS - I'm not entirely 100% sure what to say about this. I mean, it was a really fucking good movie, amazing acting, etc - but I wasn't that moved by it. I also felt the Samwise Gamgee speech by Sean Penn at the end was totally unnecessary - film is all about images, and those images would have been more powerful and would have stood on their own amazingly had they not been accompanied by the speech. But, it doesn't ruin the movie, although it left a bit of a weird taste in my mouth, which I'm sure could be cured by a suck or two on the astonishingly erect teats of Miss Naomi of Watts. Holy shite. She was fantastic, as was Benicio Del Toro, and Penn was good, although I've never been a huge fan of his. I liked whoever it was playing Benicio's wife, and the English girl playing Penn's wife. She was both hot and very fucking good. It was a fine picture, but I still feel that last speech just seems a bit out of place, like it was there just to explain the title. But I dunno.

Miffed. It's A Word Alright, Look It Up

I feel obligated to post today. I have no idea why, I just feel I need to write something, even if it just a blog entry. My creativity has taken a downhill slant in the last couple of days, so let's hope it rises soon because I have too much shit to do.

I got a bit miffed in class today. We watched Michael Curtiz's 1945 melodrama/noir MILDRED PIERCE, which I liked, but most of the others didn't. Bear in mind I'm the oldest person in my class by about four years at the least, and when people were asked why they didn't like it, someone said because it was black and white and they like colour. I fucking hate this attitude. I really do. It just seems so fucking short-sighted. Film is about playing with visuals of every kind, finding meaning through colours - or lack thereof. It just seems a bit lame for someone studying film to say that. It's like taking a class on art and saying you only like Cubism.

On a more positive note, I got a merit for an essay and presentation I did a week or so ago. This is good stuff, cause to be frank, I thought I'd really fucked it up.

I've been so bored today though. I have a hankering to watch some John Carpenter, so I might check out something later. Right now I'm slaving over my OLDBOY soundtrack review and trying to squeeze words out. And it's really fucking hard right now.

CROSS OF IRON (1977)

Sam Peckinpah's a pretty legendary director. I mean, THE WILD BUNCH, BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA, THE GETAWAY, PAT GARRETT AND BILLY THE KID, that's quite a filmography. And that's not even mentioning his single war movie, CROSS OF IRON, which I saw today for the first time.

I'll be honest, I'd never even heard of the movie before I saw the DVD. It was cheap, so I grabbed it (I think I mentioned it in here at one point) and I've wanted to watch it since I've had it, I've just never been in the mood. Funny, really. Like Katanga said to me the other day, 'I hate owning so many movies and being such a moody person that it's so hard to pick one out.' But today, I was in the mood, so I threw it on. And wow.

Basically, it's about a German platoon in 1943 who are desperately defending the Eastern front against the Russians. James Coburn is a slightly esoteric platoon leader, and David Warner and James Mason are his commanding officers. That is, until a new Captain comes in, Stransky (Maximillian Schell from THE BLACK HOLE) , who takes an immediate dislike to Coburn's Sgt. Steiner.

It's a movie about war, about survival, and about how soldiers look at war. Steiner is a man who needs to fight, and he doesn't know why. He doesn't believe in the Fuhrer, he hates his commanding officers and the uniform he wears, yet he doesn't know any different. For example, he gets injured and sent off to a hospital. He gets in with a stunningly hot nurse, who gets him leave to go home and live with her, yet leaves her to go back to the war. That's the kind of man he is.

He's also a man of honour, the opposite to Stransky, who is desperate to get hold of the Iron Cross and is ready to lie about his exploits to obtain it. Steiner knows Stransky doesn't deserve it, yet doesn't testify against him. He's not interested in a transfer to sunny France, not interested in glory or beauracracy. He's just interested in fighting, as are his men, who are the only people he seems to like.

It's a stunning movie, and as you'd expect from Peckinpah, contains tons of slow-mo explosions and battle scenes. But they never seem to come with a purpose, which I took as what he was trying to say about war itself. The editing is spectacular, and it has a strange but fitting music score, well, when you can hear it above the explosions.

However, the thing that bit into me most was the performances. All of the acting is fantastic, including Coburn, even though some of the accents waver occasionally. It's interesting that this is probably the only American movie - at least that I've heard of - to make German soldiers from that period sympathatic and likeable. But that's the thing, these guys aren't Nazis. They're just men fighting for their country and themselves, and because they have to.

The ending also made quite an impression, as it's not what you'd expect at all. But it's fitting. It doesn't go out on a memorial to the wounded, or a big speech about war and its evils.

It ends on a soldier laughing.